Yesterday morning I heard on the radio an interview with Hugh Mackay, the social researcher, promoting his book 'What Makes us Tick? The Ten Desires that Drive Us.' He said that everybody's brain is like ten kids on a trampoline calling 'look at me, look at me!', and that we are fundamentally irrational creatures who occasionally have bouts of rationality, and that it is amazing we function as well as we do.
And then I went on the prove him right. I embarrassed and humiliated myself in front of the school community, via email.
Now it probably does me no harm to be humiliated. I'm being philosophical. It isn't the first and won't be the last time I've felt ashamed, and have had to face up to people who probably think less of me. I'm trying to remind myself of all the things I've done right, that have been helpful, and hope people will forgive me my lack of judgement and making a fool of myself. My error wasn't on the scale of introducing AIDS to Africa or privitising child care in Australia, but it was an error. And I should have known better.
Being on a committee in the community is a serious job. I know that. People who do it are volunteers. The volunteers are usually the people who volunteer for other things as well. By being on the committee you take on extra jobs through the course of running the committee's business. People volunteer in the community because they care. Most people don't volunteer, and don't get involved and yesterday, that looked pretty attractive. Actually, that's a little unfair - lots of people do volunteer for special events, they just don't take on longterm voluntary commitments. I could work at a paid job. I could clean the house and cook more. I could spend my time working out how to draw water. I could move my kids to another school and start again, keeping a low profile. But we have all learnt something, and we all have to turn up to school each day and just continue on. I'm at our primary school for eleven years, which is longer than I stayed at any job, and there are bound to be dramas. We can now continue with, as my very kind friend says, kindness.
So I'm now reading my SEND button as BE KIND.