The Talk

Last term we had a sex education program visit the school.

The first session was for children Year 3 -6 about the basics of genitalia and reproduction. The second session, for Years 5 & 6, was about puberty and changes during adolescence. I attended the first with Clancy. Matilda (and her friends) didn’t want to go. Fair enough.
Some of the children clearly had no previous instruction on sex education. My friend had told me she wanted her children to keep their innocence as long as possible.
My favourite part the of the session was when a Year 4 girl covered her mouth with her hand and said ‘Oh My.’

It was a good session.

Others have been talking about ‘The Talk’. This from a mother who found The Talk didn’t go quite as she had hoped.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/apr/23/sex-education-julia-sweeney

And resources for those who need a little help. This seems to be for older children. Might be best to get the facts out of the way before children become embarrassed about the conversation.

http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/lets-like-talk-about-sex-20110515-1eo24.html

The tricky part for me is pitching the morality. What I’ve done. What I believe is healthy. What is safe. What is realistic. That the ideal doesn’t always square with the reality. That loving sex, or recreational sex, can end in disappointment and pain. Pregnancy or disease. That they need to protect themselves. That respect is key - even if that respect is to have sex and walk away. That what you do or don’t do is nobody else’s business (no slut or virgin shaming here). That sex is serious and not for children - that’s why there are laws around it. That more important than the conversations with their mother will be the conversations with their partners (but they can keep talking to their mother).

I can understand how much easier it must have been to say ‘save yourself for marriage’ - there’s a lot of protection from hurt in that, but I’m not married, and I’ve had sex (obviously), so I can just be honest. They’ll know the options and make their own way.

The reality - from the Guardian Weekly

The Obama administration released their report on the status of US women. US women earn 80 cents to a man’s dollar, are more likely than men to live in poverty, and are more likely to be stalked or killed by intimate partners. And marriage isn’t what it used to be. Fewer women are marrying, they are marrying later and for reasons other than having children. The more egalitarian the relationship within marriage the better. Couples and children are happier and healthier (and have more sex) if both parents work and share the caring (including housework) responsibilities. A college education for the woman has benefits all round; their children do better at school and they have fewer divorces.

And a book review

Sex Before the Sexual Revolution - Simon Szreter and Kate Fisher

This book focuses on the experience of marriage among the working and middle classes in Britain between the end of WW1 and the early 60s. The authors interviewed people who are now quite elderly, who always considered sex to be a very private matter, and struggle with the language with which to describe their experiences. The authors found the respondent saying they enjoyed sex all the more because of its very private nature. Innocence was highly valued. Knowledge of bodily functions was slim. Interesting is the criteria for attractiveness - good skin, a fine head of hair, cleanliness, smart clothes, and a sense of essential benevolence in a potential partner. Sex was about love. The giving of love rather than the receiving of pleasure. A sense of being cared for and confirmation of love.

And the context (always context).No recourse if things went badly. Exclusion of homosexuals, bisexuals, the upper class, and those who didn’t marry. But interesting, for what it is. And it would have been my parents’ experience.

A far cry from the way most people think about sex today, when norms are set by the pornograhy industry.

I’ve talked to my girls quite openly, answering their questions. Matilda was asking questions a few years ago. (This is a child who, at age four, asked ‘If Christmas is Jesus’ birthday, when is Santa’s birthday?) I stopped that initial conversation when I became uncomfortable talking about my own experiences. Some conversations since have been prompted by situations we see on tv. There’ll be many more conversations to come. We talk about it as we do everything else - just as situations arise, and questions are asked, while we’re doing other things, eating dinner, being together. And I’ll probably tell them to attend to their own interests even when they are concerned with what boys think of them.

Surely better than the sex education I had - from reading the World book Encyclopedia, watching Blankety Blanks and tv soaps, and the message of the Catholic Church.

What is it with the C word?

In which I show which side of the generation gap I'm on.

While we're talking about embracing the word 'slut', lets also look at the word 'cunt'.

I've noticed my teenage and young adult FB friends talk to each other using this word as a term of endearment. Like 'silly cunt, lol'. Is this word also being embraced? Is this a universal thing amongst young people, or is it particular to the Catholic schoolgirls I know?

I remember when Sex and the City started, and was controversial because they used the c word, admittedly as the word for a body part. For a cunt. At that time, only criminals referred to other people as cunts. Just like there was once a time when only sailors and criminals had tattoos.

Are there no bad words anymore?

I do acknowledge that I now move in conservative circles. Well the circle is more like a dot. I used to move in less conservative circles, but, having had children, now associate with people who don't swear much, drink much, take drugs, get tattooed or have one night stands. I hang out with stable, sensible, responsible, well-spoken people. Non-cunts.

And whilst I understand, I still don't want my kids identifying as sluts, or getting tattoos or calling their friends cunts.

That's just the side of the generation gap I'm on.

The Merry Makers and my family - Compass ABC1

My sister and her son are going to be on the tv show, Compass, on ABC1 on Sunday night at 10pm.

My sister is a single mum and a teacher. Her son has Down Syndrome. They are in a dance troupe called The Merry Makers. They were in the documentary film about the troupe, called The Music in Me, and the book, Love is in the Air. Being part of the group has meant so much to them. The Compass program is about the Merry Makers performing in Disneyland last year.

http://www.merrymakers.com.au/

If I talk about one sister, I should talk about the rest of the family. If the above is enough for you, stop reading now.

I have five sisters and two brothers. My mother always loved kids and wanted a big family. She was a stay at home mum, and helped out at school and sports. When she was 52, she had a stroke and has been disabled ever since. She’s now becoming quite frail. My father is also aging and has ongoing medical problems.

My next sister is a single mum to a child, now grown, who is diabetic. She had a child previously, who she put up for adoption. She kept in touch with her first child through letters, and now her child is a mother herself, and we all know her and her family. My sister works a stressful job in sexual health.

My middle sister was the conservative one. She is the only one who had a wedding. She married, had four children, then studied to be a teacher. When she was diagnosed with cancer she was given three years to live. The prognosis was right. When she was offered a job as a teacher she couldn’t accept because she was dying. She died two and a half years ago. She was tested because my brother was having pre-cancerous polyps removed from his bowel and told us we should all be checked. She was already at Stage 4, with secondaries. Her doctors told us the gene for this cancer has been identified and we can all be checked. We could have one gene for it, or two, which would mean it passes onto our children, or none. We’ve all been tested. I have none. Others in the family have more.

My youngest sister is a preschool teacher. She is single and has no children of her own, which wasn’t necessarily her plan

My brothers live a little further away from us. They are each married, and have four and five children. Their wives work. The brother who is closest in age to me (I made his wife’s wedding dress - they got married when they were 20 and 21) is also a volunteer surf lifesaver.

You can see a range of mothering issues right here in my family.

It reads like a pretty heavy family, but it doesn’t feel that way, being in it. And we all support my sister and her son in The Merry Makers.

Mother movies coming soon

We Need to Talk About Kevin has been made into a film, with a dark haired Tilda Swinton as Eva. The film has been well received at Cannes. Can’t wait to see it.

The film adaptation of I Don’t Know How She Does It, by Alison Pearson, is being made in the US with Sarah Jessica Parker playing Kate Reddy. Should be released this year.

Hope they both do better than Motherhood, a film with Uma Thurman playing a blogging mum.

Should mean that public conversations about mothering are coming soon!

The growth of Slutwalk

I reported a few months ago that an incident at a Canadian university, where a police officer told a group of students 'women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimised'. The Slutwalk they organised in Toronto was attended by 3000 protesters. The protest has widened. Slutwalks have been organised across Canada and the US, in Argentina, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Sweden and the UK. In Australia there are Slutwalks organised in Brisbane, Melbourne, Adelaide and Sydney. Some people are marching to empty the word of its connotations. Some are embracing the word. All are marching in protest of the the idea that any women deserves to be raped.

By the way there were ten women present who heard that policeman. The use of Facebook and Twitter spread the word. And so a movement is born.

Feminism 101

I'm angry about this

http://www.news.com.au/business/youth-retailer-general-pants-in-strife-over-i-love-sex-badges-naked-mannequins/story-e6frfm1i-1226051827011

How many people sat in meetings nodding their heads at this proposal? How many people designed and made the posters and badges, not suggesting that maybe this isn't a great idea, or considering what it means for the young women who work in the shops. The response from the CEO of General Pants is not good enough.


The federal budget allows $222 million to the National School Chaplaincy Program. Why? Public education is supposed to be secular. If schools need counsellors (and they do), then employ counsellors.

And especially this from the SMH:

1100 rapes a day in Congo, study finds

Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/world/1100-rapes-a-day-in-congo-study-finds-20110511-1ei0m.html#ixzz1M0jp20L4

Why is this not front page news every day? We've know about this for years. Why is the situation not improving?

Motherhugger Greatest Hits

In celebration of reaching 5000 hits, I'm sharing the most viewed posts.

My most viewed posts, by a long way, are Other Words for Sexy and Hot
http://motherhugger.blogspot.com/2010/04/other-words-for-sexy-and-hot.html

and Music for Kids to Dance To
http://motherhugger.blogspot.com/2011/02/music-for-kids-to-dance-to.html


These are viewed every day. Who knew there was such interest?


My favourite post is about women in rock
http://motherhugger.blogspot.com/2010/10/stories-id-like-to-see.html


And, congratulations to the finalists in the Sydney Writers' Centre Best Australian Blogs,
http://www.sydneywriterscentre.com.au/bloggingcomp/bestblog-winner.html
which include the following mummy blogs:

Random Ramblings of a Stay at Home Mum (winner)
Not Drowning, Mothering
Miscellaneous Mum
Woog's World


Other blogs about education, literature, writing, social and media commentary are also worth checking out.
News With Nipples sure looks feminist to me.

More blogs for me to follow! (One day soon, I'll read something other than blogs and uni study. Fiction - I miss you!)

Context, calling privilege, and comparing down

John Sutherland (whose books on literature I enjoy - he’s having fun - not being an egghead) wrote a piece for the Guardian Weekly (which I’ve taken to reading - so light and fits in my bag) about context. He says everyone is accusing everyone else of taking their words out of context. He reminds us that this is a term from literary criticism, which I have some interest in, literature being my field of study. To summarise, at Cambridge in the 1920s (think T.S. Eliot) the English faculty shifted from talking about ’works of literature’ to talking about ‘literary texts’. The term bred into subtext, intertext, paratext and context, culminating with Jacques Derrida’s announcement: There is nothing outside the text. So, the idea that we are to contextualise everything has seeped into public discourse. Sutherland says we should give the term back to the literary critics, but I don’t see how that is possible. We open our events with acknowledgement of country. That provides context. When we present a paper or write a piece we state our context: I am a white woman, living in a first world country. My paper is about this and not about that. I acknowledge that. But I’m talking about this.

The feminist blogosphere is aflame with discussion over calling privilege. I call privilege, and not just in regards to feminism. It’s just that I am aware, as are we all, I assume, that we are privileged and there are many other unheard voices left out of the conversation. I’ve noticed it in feminism. At the f collective conference last year there was no discussion about women outside Australia, even though a woman from DRC was on a panel, and no-one fucking asked her what we could do to help. That made me angry. If the f collective conference had been framed as a middle class white women’s space, then I wouldn’t have expected anything else. But the conference was promoted as being for everyone when, clearly, it wasn’t. And yes, the moderating was lacking, which became evident when the last session, which was supposed to round up where we go to from here, turned into a mud slinging match, accusations of tokenism and “I, as a real feminist declare that those people (not present to defend themselves) are not feminists’. The story of feminism in a nutshell. (But, hey, I didn’t organise a conference, and I understand the work they did do and why they couldn’t do everything, and talked to them about it afterwards, and congratulated them on what they did achieve.)

I think there are two things going on here. Lets look at some context.

Where are the feminist activists? What actual activism is going on here? Are there any spaces where feminists can work together? From my experience, feminism is a broad church. Basically we want gender equality, but what that looks like in reality is different for different people. Maternal feminism might be different from sex-worker feminism, from ethic minorities to GLBTQ to differently abled to intersections of all the above. If the only real presence feminism has is online, then that is not enough, and too heavy a burden for those who run the sites or blogs. One group can’t be all things to all feminists. We need more groups and more representations and generally more feminists being active. And yes, I understand this is unpaid, unrecognised work. That’s the only kind of work (child care, housekeeping, committees, writing letters to newspapers, filling the gaps) I’ve been doing for the past eleven years. Which isn’t to say I’m a super feminist, because in a lot of ways I’m not, and because I identify as other things as well. Things which may or may not intersect with feminism in other people’s worlds.

So, my second point. Perhaps it links in with environmentalism and the global economy. Generally we are becoming more aware of our place in the world in relation to other people. To the workers in China who make our electronic devises and live and work in dehumanising conditions. Our western lifestyle is based upon overseas poverty. To the contamination of soil and water caused by the damage to the nuclear reactor in the Japanese earthquake. That our burning of oil and coal matters. To the consequences of the Global Financial Crisis. We are all connected - to the advantage of some and disadvantage of others according to the distribution of power. We are seeing ourselves in context. Which leads me to what I’m trying to do, and trying to teach my children, for our own happiness and to be responsible citizens of the world. And that is comparing down instead of comparing up. Being grateful for what we have. Being Pollyanna and playing the glad game. We don’t need to live in a bigger house, because the fact we have running water makes us wealthy in global terms. Comparing down, and being grateful, rather than comparing up and being envious and unhappy.

Perhaps part of the problem in the feminist blogosphere is that so many people are now ‘getting it’ and they want to let people know they ‘get it’. In time when we all ‘get it’ the dust will settle and the context will be taken for granted. Like a new greenie or a religious convert. It takes time to integrate and learn to talk to people about these revelations. To be respectful and mindful and engage in the conversation aware of the contexts. We could call privilege in all kinds of situations - the list of top ten things a woman needs that includes red lingerie, the latest electronic gadgets and kitchen appliances. Or, a list that includes clean water and food, medical assistance, to be safe. You get the picture.

So, I’m thinking that John Sutherland won’t have his way. Context is here to stay, and that’s a good thing. We don’t want to abandon asking ‘what are the assumptions and who is being excluded?’ We don’t want to do that when we talk about access and equity. For schools and services and advertising and everything. And to abandon that question would mean a total rewriting of the English curriculum, and a few other curricula as well.

So, where do we go from here? We become the change we want to see. Like Toni Morrison writing the books she wanted to read. Like the Muslim woman who designed a burkini. Like the mums who make and sell vintage style children’s clothing. Make your own blog. Start a babysitting club. Write a song. Stage a play. Start a feminist bookgroup. Make a space for the people you want to connect with. It will take the pressure off the feminist bloggers.

A little bit of everything

The longer I leave posting, the more there is to talk about.

We’ve had the strange configuration of Easter and Anzac Day merging with family birthdays, where I found out my uncle, who was a lecturer at Duntroon, had protested against the hazing (bastardisation, he called it) when he was there. This was before women were admitted. I’m not surprised more students from the academy are now speaking out.

Then residential school. Calling it an intensive school is not a misnomer. It was intensive. I learned I can still act. That I still like to act. That the tribe of English and drama teachers is a tribe I’m happy to belong to. That the world I used to inhabit still exists. My little piece of maternal feminism consisted of staging a mother combing her child’s hair for nits to the sound of the music Popcorn. People liked it. About time we saw women’s unacknowledged work on stage. I stayed with my friend who is a single mum to a child with special needs. Working full time. Has her own talents. Saw a glimpse into how hard that world can be.

The main thing I learned was that two weeks without exercise equals a back which is cactus.

Reading The Guardian Weekly proved handy, as I presented on issues in the world today, as they may be pertinent to mounting a production of a play. Matilda is now using those papers for researching issues for debating, and her enrichment program. We very efficiently mounted a production of Woyzeck. The issue for me is that some people in the world are more valued than others - and some are disposable. The other striking thing is the prominence of news stories about family breakdown resulting in death. The father in Melbourne throwing his daughter off a bridge. The mother driving her children into the Hudson River. The father who killed his toddler daughter and wrote updates about it on Facebook. The story of Woyzeck (and Greek mythology), over and over. What are our expectations about being in a family? What happens when families break down? Is it possible to avoid such tragedy?

I returned home to a family in action mode - we really have a cram packed week every week.

Banjo is sick. She has been delirious in her fever, and last night, puked into my lap.

And now Mothers Day. We saw the Target advertisement on tv, showing the different types of mums you can buy for: gourmet, sporting, pampered. I quietly noted that, once again, there is no Chinese mum or Indian mum, or Tongan mum, or heavy metal mum or surfie mum. I asked the children what kind of mum I am (creative/ intellectual?) and Clancy said ‘You’re an old fashioned mum’. I guess that will do. After years of bleating on about how Mothers Day started as a protest for peace, and how we could make it a day of political action, I’m coming around to enjoying the children enjoying giving me gifts from the school stall, and visiting my own mum, while she’s still alive.

But, obviously, some mothers are more important than others, because if you are a teenage mum, you will be forced to put your child into care at twelve months old, so you can study or train and still qualify for benefits. And while parents need all the support they can get to improve their lives for themselves and their families, and we know that the education level of the mother is crucial to this, no matter where the family lives, perhaps offering incentives would be better than offering punishment.

Meanwhile, Hungary, with a new conservative government, is considering offering mothers an extra vote in elections. The objections are based on this perhaps privileging Roma families. Obviously some families are more valued than others. The government also wants to push through laws protecting the life of the foetus from conception. Consequences, anyone?

Philosopher and ethicist, Peter Singer, who I respect, but don’t always agree with, has again called for people in wealthy countries to give money to people in developing countries. Because eight million deaths a year can be prevented. In this case, I do agree with him. Eight million people could give $1000 a year. This is doable. Imagine telling our children we ended world poverty.

The Mothers’ Index, released annually by Save the Children, reports Australia as the second most mother friendly country in the world. The report looks at infant and maternal health. Norway comes first. Afghanistan came last, with every woman expecting to lose a child. The USA does badly for a wealthy country. The comments started with readers calling privilege - that Australian women should stop whining.

Calling privilege is a hot topic in the feminist blogosphere at the moment. Especially in the US, and around issues of race. Thanks to Blue Milk for reporting on this. You can see more on hers, and many other feminist blogs. And yes, Feministe, I’m hoping that I am filling the gaps that I see. I’ll be writing something about this soon. Ah, feminism. This conversation got stuck in the 70s; we’re just rehashing the same old lines using different media. Time to move on.

Another round up

News stories worth reading.

Women in pop music - comparing Adele with the likes of Lady Gaga, and good news for Kate Bush fans (yeah!)

http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/music/success-without-gimmicks-20110422-1dr9y.html

Little girls and real life princeses.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/apr/23/princess-fairytale-daughter-royal-wedding


Michelle Bachelet, head of the newly formed UN Women - who she is and what she's trying to do.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/apr/22/michelle-bachelet-un-women


Emma Donoghue, who wrote Room, calls for an end to mothers judging each other.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/apr/23/emma-donoghue-mummy-wars-parenting?INTCMP=SRCH


Enjoy

Around the world news

What’s going on in the world?

You wouldn’t know by reading the Sydney newspapers, but get a better idea by reading the Guardian Weekly. So, a little round-up from the last few issues.

Norway pays Guyana (on the northern coast of Sth America) to keep forests intact. That’s right. Norway is making annual payments to Guyana to keep its tropical rainforests. The money, based on holding back deforestation, factoring in avoided carbon dioxide emissions, is used for environmentally sound development.

Ghost towns in Spain. New housing estates have been abandoned due to the GFC. Youth unemployment is very high in Spain: 43%. For those aged 16 - 19 the rate is 64%. Young people are leaving Spain to seek employment elsewhere.

Spain had a very generous subsidy for solar power. That has just been cut. The energy companies were helping the government with the subsidies and the government now cannot pay them back.

In Japan, after the earthquake, radioactive water is being released into the sea as they are still trying to cool down the nuclear reactor.

17% of the worlds’ population is now Indian.

In the US, the majority of Republicans who are likely to vote in the primaries believe that Barack Obama was not born in the United States.

Refugees from Nth Africa are fleeing to Lampedusa, an Italian island closer to Africa than Italy, and the Italians aren’t happy. Berlusconi vowed to rid the island of immigrants. They are mostly men from Libya. So far this year 18,000 Nth African migrants have landed on the island of 5000 native inhabitants.

A story about a study in the lack of empathy (previously known as evil). Empathy can be tracked on a spectrum. We're all somewhere on the spectrum - hopefully not on the sociopath end.

A picture of a penis wins an Russian art prize. The winning group, which is endorsed by Banksy, painted a 65 meter penis on a drawbridge. When the bridge was raised the penis faced the local headquarters of the FSB (successor to the KGB). It’s like Jonah of Summer Heights High won an art prize!

A story about women leading the way in peace negotiations. Women have been involved in peace talks in Libya, Sierra Leone, Sudan, Rwanda, and now on the Ivory Coast. How? Women form grassroots groups, and work up to the leader’s wives and the leaders themselves. Local groups are best placed to bring about peace, so why do they need to apply to AU and UN to be permitted to participate in the peace talks, usually led by male bureaucrats, when it is more dangerous to be a woman than a soldier in these modern conflicts? This ties into my last post about the fierce face of women.


Nature has rights. Bolivia is set to pass into law the rights of Mother Nature. They are establishing 11 new laws, under The Law of Mother Earth, which includes: the right to life and to exist, the right to continue vital cycles and processes free from human alteration, the right to pure water and clean air, the right to balance, the right not to be polluted and the right to not have cellular structure modified or genetically altered.

Wow. Go Bolivia!

If these were the kinds of news stories show on commercial tv, do you think we would be more fearful or less? More tolerant or less? More hopeful or less?

Awakening women: the fierce face of the feminine

http://awakeningwomen.com/2010/12/17/my-firts-tedx-talk-the-fierce-face-of-the-feminine/

Awakening women - the fierce face of the feminine.

This is the TEDx talk by Chameli Ardagh about claiming feminine rage to protect the children of the world.

Worth a look.

We know we feel like a lioness protecting her cubs when our own children are threatened, but what about other people's children? She's right when she says we often feel angry but hopeless when we think about how children are hurt when caught in political situations that are out of our control. Would reclaiming maternal rage help? It can't hurt.

The rhythm of the holidays

I've heard a few people talking lately about getting into the 'rhythm' of the holidays. If we have any rhythm, this is it.

I awake to the words 'Mum, wobble my tooth' and a child or two leaving my bed. I doze, trying to sleep in. Then awake to the sounds of a recorder, a clarinet and/or a whistle. Sometimes I awake to the sound of the children running their own dance school in the kitchen, and a fight about someone not following someone else's choreography.

I turn on the computer and start working on something I'm working on. Matilda might bring me a cup of tea. The Days of the Week songs for Senior Dance Group. I've learned Wednesday Girl by The Jet Sets and Thursday Morning by Giles, Giles and Fripp (a precursor to King Crimson). I conclude there is definitely a gap in the market for songs about Wednesday and Thursday. I'm also putting together a cookbook for school. A Fruit and Veg cookbook. It needs a snappy name (Zucchini Fettuccine?) but everything I suggest is declared lame by the kids. Actually, that's my only suggestion. And yes, my uni assignment - the major assignment of the course. Slowly slowly.

Then I realise we are supposed to be somewhere in half an hour, and we go into panic mode. Hang out the washing. Everybody have something to eat and get dressed. Off we go. I bring my uni notes with me. While we're out a child will break a shoe. On our way home we buy new shoes, which, when we get home the child will decide she doesn't like and we need to return the shoes to the shop the next day.

When we return I do some cleaning up, trying to get the girls to clean up too. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. We have tasks written on a schedule that rarely get done. I tell them, daily, that I need to implement pocket money so I can withhold it as punishment, a la The Brady Bunch, a language they understand. I tell them, daily, that I would charge them 10c each for every hair band and hair clip that I pick up. I'd make $3 a day. That's an annual holiday for me, right there.

They play on the trampoline, and I throw the ball around with Matilda and Clancy, and we shoot some hoops, because they've got into the netball team, which is a new activity for them. Or they do painting or a craft activity at the kitchen table. My proudest two hours of mothering have been when the children have been painting whilst listening to a poetry CD. They did that twice. When the CD ended they started fighting, but for those two one hours, I was very pleased with myself.

I make dinner. This week we're riffing on potatoes, with a salad plate or fruit plate. Before dinner, while the kids are watching tv, stretching, and doing the splits or high kicks, we all have a piece of chocolate. Fair trade organic chocolate, so I figure it's OK. We eat dinner and talk. Sometimes Clancy and Banjo change their hairstyles for dinner. Watching The Brady Bunch is the best thing to have happened to Clancy's hair - after years of tears trying to get out tangles she now brushes it every day. I might play some music I like - Nick Drake in colder weather. We talk about the day and the plans for tomorrow.

Food has revived the children, and Banjo wants to perform. A dance that requires the wearing of sequins. Actually, for Banjo, even helping with cooking requires the wearing of sequins. The children might wash. Then, after much to-ing and fro-ing, they're off the bed, with me reading a story, or singing jazz standards. Clancy likes to sing along, even if it is a song she hasn't heard before. Banjo likes to interrupt. I like to plough through the interruptions then remind Banjo how lucky she is to have a mother who can hold a tune. Some children's mothers are tone deaf! After all that, and about three rounds of goodnight kisses, they want to read in bed. Ok, for a little while.

Then I'm back to the computer and working on something I'm working on until they settle to sleep. Is that a rhythm?

We still haven't set up the elastics in the back yard (between the trampoline, the washing line and the tree), we haven't done any sewing (we were planning to make Clarice Bean tunics), we haven't had many playdates, we haven't been practising the times tables. Maybe I can add those notes to the tune next week.

Tween birthday - it gets easier

Matilda is turning eleven. She's a very sensible and capable girl. She doesn't see the need in accumulating lots of stuff. Last year for her birthday I took her to see Wicked. For Christmas we gave her a week of dance classes at a very good summer school.

I asked her what she wanted to do to celebrate her birthday. She said she wants her friends to ride their bikes to the park and have a picnic. Great. Then she organised it herself. I realised that I wouldn't be going to her birthday party. I asked if I should drop by to pick up any presents she might receive (although she told her friends she doesn't expect gifts), and she said OK. So I'll just pop by. We'll have a dinner of her choice on the day, and I'll make a cake of course, if she doesn't want to make it herself. And I'll book to take her to the ballet. She's a ballerina who has never seen a professional ballet production.

She's lovely. Bright and lovely. She's easy to be with. I can talk to her about big concepts, and I can trust her to do the right thing. She still holds my hand and wants to sit on my lap. If she has a bad dream she'll climb into my bed. She said she'll keep doing that after she turns eleven.

So, I'm thinking. When you have three kids under the age of five and are feeling frazzled, and people tell you that it gets easier, this is what they mean.

Today I taught my children this:

Next time I suggest we go to the Art Gallery, they are to say: How about we stay home and make our own art instead? Or we can look at art books.

We'll all be happier...

Judging parenting

A friend of mine recently had a big discussion on FB about him witnessing a mother hosing her small son with water after he ignored her repeated requests for him to come inside. The boy cried. It drew the usual range of comments. He asked for mine, but I missed the boat, so will comment here.

My friend doesn't have children himself, but he and his partner are planning to, so they talk about how they would like to raise their children, when they have them. While it is important to share values with your partner, in the day to day reality of living with children, those values aren't always front and centre in all your interactions. Parenting is confronting. You find yourself, and your partner, doing things you never imaged, just reacting in the moment, or just to get through the day. Living with children is more tiring (especially with ongoing disrupted sleep) and more frustrating than you can imagine.

I'm not prepared to judge that mother. Of course, it would have been lovely if she walked up to him, got down on his level, talked to him about what he was doing, turned the activity into a little lesson, and gently guided him back into the house. But we don't always have the time and inclination to do that. She may have just had a big talk with her son about co-operation and consequences. Maybe she's on the brink of divorce, or worried about money, or is sick herself. We don't know the circumstances.

This is what I do know.

1. Parenting advice keeps changing. What we believe now about raising children is likely to be unfashionable when our children are grown.

2. The way society is structured now is not the ideal way for parents and children. It isn't healthy and shouldn't be normal for a parent and child to be alone together all day. It takes a tribe. Families need more support.

3. The only response which is helpful is to try to understand, to offer support, to be compassionate, and to be kind.

Progressive social policies in Europe - cut

In the Mothers Movement we've been looking to the progressive social policies of Europe as a light to move towards. But now, with European countries feeling the pinch of the GFC (four countries- PIGS - have been bailed out) and tightening their belts, cost cutting means an end to these socially progressive policies.

In the UK these are the programs being cut from April 1st: educational support for teenagers, music therapy for those with severe learning disabilities, fewer probation workers, less support for young parents, refugee advice centres, domestic violence centres, HIV prevention schemes, help for women with PND, lollipop people at school crossings, work programs for the blind, debt advice services, funding for the arts, day centres for street drinkers, and fire stations are shutting. Still to come are changes to the welfare system, the NHS, housing benefits and police services. Libraries, nursing homes and respite centres are waiting hear how they will fare. As funding winds down youth clubs will close, charities will shut up shop, after school activities for school children will end and day care centres for the elderly will close. Cutting community programs for early intervention mean serious problems later. But, The Gaurdian Weekly reports, if you are well, in secure employment, have already been to university, and have no care responsibilities, you probably won't notice the cuts. Only the vulnerable will suffer - the poorest 10%. The people who will feel the pinch mostly are women and children and the socially isolated.

In France there were protests last year about raising the retirement age to 62. They can't afford to have so many people on a pension. Taxes are high at 45%, (only Belgium and Hungary have higher), the welfare system is still in place and the 35 hour working week remains, however, prices are high, unemployment is high and infrastructure is running down. Although France has officially avoided recession, its economy is slowly going downhill. Some are suggesting two main measures to help - more women in the workplace (losing the tax incentives to stay home with children), and reforming the welfare system.

I've been reading The Guardian Weekly lately - it is easy to carry and I like reading other perspectives (Australian newspapers are not what they could be). A growing trend I've noticed in European countries is the formalisation of anti-Muslim sentiment. There is Tea Party like trend in Europe too.

How will it all resolve? To quote TGW 'Britain is not alone in facing a hard choice between cuts, growth, debt and democracy.'

No mention about cuts to aid for developing nations,but that must be part of the plan.

Hope in humanity

I worked on the recent election day. I was one of those people who cross the names off in those big books. It was a long day, yes, but very pleasant. Everyone I worked with was lovely and we all worked together well. And all the people who came in to vote were lovely. Every time I looked up I noticed people with soft faces. Nobody was any trouble.

The other day I went to the Art Gallery to see Art Express - that's the exhibition of the top HSC art works. It was fantastic. I was really impressed with the breadth of knowledge the children draw from. It made me feel like there is hope in the future, that teenagers are smart and thoughtful and concerned about what is happening in the world, and that it might be quite satisfying for me to become a teacher.

I'm trying to hold onto this hope in humanity as we discuss, once again, and quite belatedly, putting a price on carbon, which we knew we must do years ago. I like to think we, in our household, live as if there is already a price on carbon, because we consider where things come from and where they go, and the embedded energy in everything. The whole story of climate change seems quite hopeless at times. We know our use of fossil fuels, which take millions of years for the Earth to make, is running out. We know we could invest in renewable energy. We know we make more waste and more pollution than we can sensibly dispose of, yet, yet, we just carry on as we've been going because it is convenient.

Must hold on to hope in humanity.

Education now

I'm half way through my first education subject, and everything is making sense. I can see how much education policy and practice has changed since I was at school.

The aim is to engage children as much as possible, and to cater for all types of learners. Appealing to all children is also a strategy to avoid disruptive behaviour. Teachers are expected to know each child well, to respect their individuality, take their backgrounds into account, and tailor a learning program whereby every child can have their needs met.

We know that people learn more by doing than by being told, so the idea is to have children actively engaged in their lessons. This means, in reality, lots of small group work, or co-operative learning. So, lots of talking with each other, as well as the teacher. Not a lot of the teacher standing out the front of the class addressing the students, and forget about the expectation that the classroom will mostly be a quiet place.

It also means children can contract their work, that is, they can choose between options, so they can write a song about the topic or make a map or explore and present the subject in a way which is meaningful to them. People learn by constructing their own meanings. Teachers plan for breadth (a means of learning that meets individual needs and interests) and for depth (offering tasks of higher order thinking for those who already grasp the facts and understand). This is what the Principal means when she allays parental fear about composite classes - all children are catered for anyway.

Socialisation is also a big component. Our society needs people who can get along with other people. If schools fail to socialise students then they are failing to equip students with skills for living.

Transparency is another component. Children know the consequences, what is expected of them, agree on the rules, know what is assessable, and the teaching program used by the teacher is known to the students.

All quite different from when I was a school student! For a teacher it means a lot of work, a lot of creativity and, hopefully, more satisfaction. From what I've seen so far, teachers are very generous with their ideas and are happy to help each other. Something to be grateful for.

What is the appeal of Dexter?

I watched the final episode of Dexter last night. It is a show I've been following - I follow a few: Mad Men, Breaking Bad. When I first had kids I was a big fan of Six Feet Under and Queer as Folk - it was good to have some adult themes to think about whilst pushing the kids on the swing at the park and doing the washing up. I only watch these series as they air on free to air tv - I'm not into viewing box sets - I don't have a block of time in which to do that. Perhaps I like to have something to look forward to on a weekly basis. Anyway, I've been a bit excited about Dexter.

What is it about the show that makes me toss and turn at night after watching, (aside from the early morning garbage truck?) and gives me so much to think about?

I suggest the narrative voice over is part of the appeal. Dexter is trying to fit into society. He is trying to do what is expected of him, even though he doesn't instinctively know. He needs to fit in so he doesn't draw attention to himself and arouse suspicion (he's a serial killer, but he only kills baddies). I think we are all like that, just not to the same extent. I'm sure all of us at some time have had people crying in front of us, or being angry, or doing things where we aren't sure if we should get involved or how we should react. Perhaps we often try to be kind, or helpful, or sociable, or attentive, when really we may not care. But the more that you do that, the more you learn to care. The series is kind of about learning to be caring.

The show is clever, well written, fast paced, and sometimes funny.

And it is a damn good argument for counselling. If every character who had experienced trauma had seen a counsellor, there would be no story!

If you watch Dexter, why do you like it?

A glimpse into someone's else life

On the weekend Matilda and Clancy went away to camp. We were home with just Banjo.

So quiet. So peaceful.

I caught up with my uni study, did some cleaning, and cooking. Had a nap. Banjo had one on one time with her dad (he took her out so I could study) and I got to look into her little face and listen to her, uninterrupted.

She, however, was a bit sad and lost without her sisters. She kept saying "I thought I heard Matilda playing her clarinet' or 'I thought I saw Clancy running past' and she even wistfully walked around calling their names. At one point she said, 'I think Matilda just sent me a kiss'. She played teachers on her own for a while before stating we needed to invite another child over because she didn't like playing on her own. And she wouldn't go to bed in her room because it was too lonely. She even planned a surprise party for her sisters' return.

So, I feel like I've had a little glimpse into the life of someone who has one child and lives a much quieter life than I.

It didn't take long for us to return to normal.

Responsibility for performance

As I've said, I'm doing research on an Australian theatre director and acting teacher, Lindy Davies. This is what she teaches (from her website):

The Autonomous Actor

An actor who is self governing, an actor who has a unique vision of performance; a strong sense of responsibility; an actor who questions and gives suggestions; an actor in pursuit of virtuosity: working rigorously, imaginatively, conceptually and physically.

An actor who is prepared to take responsibility for the material they choose to work with, by challenging writers if there is a lack of quality, by challenging content that is racist, sexist or ageist.

An actor who is prepared to look at the implications of what something does, rather than only looking at what something says.

An actor who is willing to look at the political implications of belonging to a profession which is shaping the perception of following generations.

You can see why I love her.

With this in mind I watched Tim Minchen perform with the Sydney Symphony Orchestra last week. I was wondering if some members of the orchestra were uncomfortable with the content of the material and would rather not be associated with the work. Fortunately, I know someone in the orchestra, so I asked. The answer is that the members of the orchestra are given the opportunity to step away from a performance they feel uncomfortable playing in. Good news.

I wonder, then, about the chain of responsibility for all sorts of work that becomes part of the media or part of our culture. For example, the content of magazines. The issue of French Vogue, for example, which contained a photo story of female children heavily made up and dressed in adult type clothing and jewellery. From the idea being put forward at a meeting, all the people who helped organise the shoot, the children themselves and their parents, the photographers and stylists, the printers, the newsagents. Did nobody along that chain ask any questions about whether maybe it isn't a good idea afterall? The same can be applied to a range of advertisements, songs, music videos - the list could go on.

My niece is now looking into gaining a cadetship with Pacific Magazines. She could be writing content for Who, or Total Girl. I wonder if she will have any real input in questioning the messages to women and girls about themselves. We'll see. Maybe she'll get to be editor and have some power, but, in the meantime, just learn the ropes and do as she's told. Like everyone else along those chains.

Unlocking the nit code

Banjo's teacher this year is right onto the treating of nits. After the note went out, he followed up by talking to parents, and asking the kids whether they were being checked and /or treated.

The reason? He has dreadlocks.

So, I reckon that is the key. What we need in the public school system is more teachers with dreads!

Slutwalk

This from MIRCI at York Uni.

On January 24, 2011, during an on-campus safety forum held at Osgoode Hall Law School to discuss recent attacks on women at York University, Toronto Police Const. Michael Sanguinetti explained that "women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized."
He later apologized, saying he was "embarrassed" by his remarks.

There will be a protest called Slutwalk at York Uni on April 3rd.

Meanwhile, protesters in Australia carry posters calling our Prime Minister 'Bob Brown's Bitch'(Ok, so I put in the apostrophe) and in Libya a woman who claims to have been raped by 15 Gaddafi militiamen is being taken to court for defamation.

A few years ago the NSW Police Commissioner stated that women are fundamentally disrespected in our society.

Do we wait for sexism to die out with the men who believe women have no rights, or do we educate people every chance we get?

Lets look at the reporting of a family tragedy

Yes, it is a family tragedy that a father, upset at losing custody of his children after divorce, threw his daughter over a bridge to her death. But lets look at how this is reported in The Age.

The descriptions:

The father, who, in other circumstances, could be seen as an artist or businessman or tradesman or any sort of normal man. He could be any of a number of the dads at school.

In the dock sat a man of distinctive appearance with long, unkempt hair surrounding his bald crown, in the middle of which stood a small tuft of unruly strands, like a cockatoo's crest.

His deep-set eyes sat below a large forehead etched with two v-shaped lines, gave him a look of permanent puzzlement.

In other circumstances, an on-looker might think of him as homeless, had he not have been decked out in a suit and tie each day.

To the prosecutor, Freeman's presentation suggested a "Rasputin-like appearance of a mad monk."

The daughter - a normal kid. And I'm not suggesting any child deserves to be hurt - of course she was innocent. I'm just noting the description as angelic. She was actually a normal child.

DARCEY Iris Freeman looks as angelic as she does innocent in the photographs her family released to the media in the wake of her death.

She has her mother's button nose and her father's fair hair. She has a cheeky, mischievous twinkle in her eyes that most four-year-olds possess.


The mother - a normal, overweight, nothing describing her clothes or hair, mother:

The tall, kind-looking, motherly figure shot only momentary glances at her ex-husband from the witness box, as she told the court she did not want to miss her daughter's first day of school.


She is a motherly-figure, not a mother.

Objective reporting? No. Demons and angels. Way to go The Age.

Points, though, for ending the story with ways people can seek help and support, and Anne Hollands for this:

To assess any risks or problems, we need to have services available very early on, to screen for these problems. The services that support families have suffered cutbacks in the last federal budget and those cuts are coming in from July 1. To screen at-risk families, to create links with courts and police, there must be continued government investment in these services. Access to counselling should be universally available, and it needs to happen long before people get to court.

Systems must be in place. Systems funded by government.

Talking about mothering in the UK

Remember I mentioned earlier a new book called Shattered: Modern Motherhood And The Illusion Of Equality, by Rebecca Asher?


Well, The Guardian have a run a piece promoting the book, and boy, has it gathered a lot of comment!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/mar/26/modern-mother-equality-illusion

The comments cover the usual ground: count yourself lucky you can have a baby, you made your bed now lie in it, they do families better in Europe because of gov't policy, they do families better in developing countries because families live together and mums aren't isolated (and domestic labour is cheap), this is a personal matter and men and women need to communicate better, it is all about working life - we need more flexibility, it is the fault of feminism for making women think they can have a career and be mothers when really you can't have it all (unless you are a man), and plenty of people identifying with the problems the author describes.

The important point is that the conversation is happening. Keep it going.

More on theatre directors

(that may be a play on words...)

I’m doing a study on the director and performance consultant Lindy Davies. I attended acting workshops with Lindy in the early 1990s - I still remember what she taught me, and it influenced my acting, and expectations for theatre performance. Apparently Cate Blanchett still applies Lindy’s methods (I saw the NIDA production of Electra where Lindy directed Cate.) Lindy was head of drama at VCA 1995 - 2007, and instigated a program of performance based on principles of artistic autonomy, collaboration, egolessness, asking what theatre can be, what is the meaning of the piece, what does it do? I love Lindy.

I must admit I’ve been out of the theatre scene for some time. Since having children I’ve only really attended productions that my friends have been involved in. And local musical theatre productions. When I returned to Sydney after studying in the country, I saw Barry Kosky’s production of Tartuffe for STC and thought WTF?? I then saw his direction of NIDA students. It turned me off Sydney theatre - I didn’t want to be spending the little money I had on seeing productions where the actors probably had not idea why they were doing what they were doing. So, I have some catching up to do.

I’m interested to track the influence of Lindy’s work. Graduates from VCA work together - they share a language and aesthetic. It seems independent theatre in Melbourne flourishes as a reaction against the conservatism of MTC, but in Sydney the avant-garde is embraced into the mainstream.

Simon Stone, aged 26, is a graduate of VCA and is being acclaimed as a bright young thing of theatre. He is now Belvoir Street’s resident director.

This is from an interview he did with Arts Hub.

I worked as an actor in film and television quite regularly in my first year out of high school, then I went to the Victorian College of the Arts. While at the VCA I developed all the creative partnerships that constitute the fabric of The Hayloft Project. We started at school the same investigations that we are now conducting – we are trying with each project to get closer to what makes theatre a unique form, irreplaceable, magical, overwhelming. The teachers at the VCA created an almost utopian environment in which this was our complete focus. The school has often been criticised for being out of touch, for not preparing its actors for the industry’s conditions adequately, but this is precisely what I cherished – it is a theatre laboratory, pushing the form’s boundaries, testing its limits, not a preparatory school for a rather paltry film and TV industry. The VCA, for this very reason, is largely responsible for the current renaissance in independent theatre in Melbourne.

In an interview with SMH, he boasts how many films he has watched as if it is an achievement. A tangent, I know, but it just makes me glad he wasn’t my flatmate. Also, off track, it bothers me that people are so proud of having watched a DVD box set of a tv series. It isn’t as it you made the shows. You sat on your lounge and watched. Not really an achievement. Anyway.

He is interested in directing new plays and rewriting classics. His production of The Wild Duck, based on Ibsen, is finishing at Belvoir on the weekend. His next one will include a naked cast. Not sure why.

He started the Hayloft Project in Melbourne. He states on its FB page that theatre must be its own medium - it isn’t film or tv - so why does he mic his actors and present them in a box?

Benedict Andrews is another hot young director. He studied at Flinders, was resident director of STC 2000 -2003, has won awards and regularly works in Europe.

RealTime Arts says
Benedict Andrews is one of those rarities among Australian theatre directors, an artist with style (a hated term in this country but it's vitally about the honing and perfecting of an idiosyncratic theatrical language) and vision (a persistent and personal working through of a set of significant questions).

http://www.realtimearts.net/feature/Archive_Highlights/9892
See here for collected information about Benedict Andrews and reviews of his work.

I saw his production of Measure for Measure at Belvoir. And yes, it is a difficult play, due to the plot. Benedict Andrews set it in a world where porn is the norm. All actors use the toilet. Faeces splattered all over the stage. Masturbation. Set in a rotating room, actors filming, with video screens by the set. I didn’t enjoy it. Did any women?

Can’t we have a more positive vision? I don’t need to look far to see the vision he is presenting me with here. Women clean up the shit. Women are being degrading in my own culture - I see it everyday. Voyeurism of reality tv. Yes, I get it. I don’t have to like it.

It is great that these directors are being mentored and given opportunities. Neil Armfiled and Robin Nevin have been particularly helpful. Young directors do need support.

However, I need to ask, is their work about branding, a la Kosky? Is the avant-garde about being blokey and puerile and voyeuristic? Are they trying to appeal to a Big Brother audience? Are they trying to put bums on seats by appealing to tv audiences?

Is it OK to not like the work of these directors?

And, once gain, where are the women?

I’m not saying that theatre should be staid and conventional and traditional. I just want it to be something other than what these guys are giving us. Something else. Innovation doesn’t have to be nasty and sensationalist for the sake of sensation. Or is there something gong on here, that I'm just not getting?

I need to see more theatre.

Meanwhile, back to my essay.

Right 2 Childhood Conference

http://www.right2childhood.com.au/

A few organisations that lobby to protect children have got together to present this day of talks about children and the media and our present culture. It is being held in Sydney on Friday April 29th. The main names in the field will be there - Stephen Biddulph, Maggie Hamilton, Julie Gale, Emma Rush, Wayne Warburton, Joe Tucci, Richard Eckersley, Melinda Tankard Reist, as well a Nina Funnell.

I might send this info on to the school Principal, to see if she'd like to send someone from school to the conference.

I attended a similar conference last year - it was really interesting, and good to mix with the other attendees - just interesting to see who attended.

I made notes here.

http://motherhugger.blogspot.com/2010/03/gorwing-up-fast-and-furious-conerence.html

Female directors

Yesterday I posted a question to my online Theatre Studies class about the crop of acclaimed young (male) directors who include lots of shit and masturbation and porn in their productions. I'm talking Barrie Kosky and Benedict Andrews here. I asked whether women actually like these production, because I don't, and where are the acclaimed female directors? It seems to me these (male) directors are boys with toys - their vision is blokey and puerile. Base. Sensationalist. Are they really bringing something exciting to the world of theatre or is the Emperor wearing no clothes?

Today there is a piece in the SMH about theatre and film director Gale Edwards. Here's a snippet.

''But I've pursued the idea of being an artist my whole life to the detriment of having a home, having a family, having kids. All of which I regret but none of which I noticed at the time.

''I didn't wake up and make a decision not to get married and not to have children. I was working. I was privileged because the next thing would be offered. I was a bit like a cowboy - I wanted to go over the prairie and see what was on the other side.''

http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/movies/fresh-start-blows-gales-way-20110311-1bq0n.html

Once again. Motherhood and a creative life. Incompatible.

My songs - a taste

I've been talking to Saving Private Mommy http://savingprivatemommy.com/ about writing songs. She suggested I pop some of mine on my blog. I haven't uploaded my demos yet, so, in the meantime, here's one my songwriter partner (I've had a few...) has on the interwebs.

http://www.myspace.com/chriscarrapetta/music

Click on Let It Go.

Centre for Parenting Culture Studies

Great! This is a new centre based at Kent University in the UK. It formed out of an interdisciplinary conference, Monitoring Parents: Childrearing in the age of ‘intensive parenting', in 2007. Worth keeping an eye on - they cover a lot of ground.

http://blogs.kent.ac.uk/parentingculturestudies/

Shopping for High Schools

Our local high schools have been holding their open days lately, so I’ve been to a few to check them out.

Information from the government recommends that parents look at three high schools at least, and suggests aspects for parents to consider. Religion, values, location, your own child’s needs and not just sending your children to the school you went to. Frankly, I don’t think I know many people who consider sending their kids to their alma mater, but hey, maybe that’s just the circle I move in. According to the government advice, it is all about choice.

So, what am I considering? Location. It has to be local. It has to be multicultural, and somewhere that isn’t elitist. It won’t be a private school. We’re lucky that we have many good public schools nearby. I saw the local school we are in catchment for, met the Principal, and I’m happy. I like the Principal’s energy and vision and management and ideas. I like that the staff and students are happy. I like the range of activities. I like the premises. I like the size. I like that it is an all girl school. I really don’t see the need to keep shopping around. My choice is to go to the local school we are in catchment for. Clancy and her friends have already decided that is where they are going. I’m happy for all three of my girls to go there, but if Matilda gets into the Selective School (and she won’t be going to tutoring to prepare for the test), which is co-ed, that would be good too. She’s the kind of kid who will manage her own stuff, sort everything out, know what is going on, and just get on with things.

What my friends and I have noticed though, is that when schools are trying to impress parents at these sessions, they talk about the overseas trips. The French class goes to France. The Italian class goes to Italy. Another group goes to Samoa. Since when did this become standard? They talk about community service and diversity and then the rich kids go overseas. In public schools many families simply cannot afford overseas trips for high school students. In our household the children will have to work and save to take themselves overseas. It won’t be part of their high school education. I’m sure they’ll have plenty to occupy themselves with without going overseas.

So, that’s another winning point for our local high school. No mention of the overseas trip.

Happy Days - again

When the children went back to school a teacher asked the class their favourite tv shows. Most said the shows I had watched as kid. Their favourites (other than The Simpsons) were Happy Days and The Brady Bunch. My kids have been watching these shows too. When the new free to air digital channel Go! was released, they watched I Dream of Jeannie, Bewtiched, Get Smart, Green Acres, The Partridge Family. It was interesting to see these again as an adult, noting how sexist the show Jeannie is, how on Bewitched the women have the power, but cater to the men’s egos by making them think the men are in charge. Get Smart is still fun. The Partridge Family and Green Acres are a hit with my kids.

Then Channel 11 was released, and the kids are now watching Mork and Mindy, Happy Days and The Brady Bunch. What has struck me is how much of Happy Days and The Brady Bunch I remember. Word for word. I hadn’t thought about these shows for thirty years, but they are embedded in my memory. Did I watch a lot of reruns, or did they make a big impression on me?

So, how do they stand up now? Mork and Mindy has a blatant message at the end when Mork reports back to his home planet, which could be a lesson for kids about how our society works. Happy Days is more sexist than I realised, and more based on sex - everybody is making out or trying to. The parents are pretty good role models though. The Brady Bunch shows, in a pretty heavy handed way, what it means to be a family; it helps if you have a housekeeper and two parents who really like each other. This show is the big winner in terms of popularity. After watching The Brady Bunch , Clancy has taken to brushing her hair. She has long blonde hair, so I’m grateful that, finally, something has prompted her to look after her hair. I think she might be identifying with Jan, but hope she doesn’t also display Jan’s Middle Child Syndrome (really, she was quite excessive at times...)

As kids we watched these shows when it was considered OK to watch a lot of tv. We didn’t have the after school activities that my children engage in. We didn’t have any other screens, and still spent plenty of time playing outside.

As I child I watched these shows with no adult supervision, and I’m thinking the kids will be alright. The part that is new into the mix is the advertisements for Sex and the City, Dexter, Californication, Nurse Jackie and The Office. Hmmm. Perhaps it’s time to pop onto the Eleven forum and ask why advertisements for M rated shows are being aired during G rated programs. You can make requests for programs you want to see. It would be fun for the kids to watch The Flying Nun and Gidget. I couldn’t find a complaints section on the site, but lets see if we can get rid of those advertisements.

To contact Channel Ten

http://ten.com.au/contact-us.htm

The Eleven Forum

http://community.ten.com.au/community/eleven/f/default.aspx

The Big Fat Lie About 80s Music

Some good news this week. Phil Collins has retired from the music business! YEAH! Time to share what may be my most controversial piece yet!


The 80s are back, apparently. Young people seem to think that everyone in the 80s was into the music they now identify as uplifting and fun. Not so.

In a music shop I heard the unmistakable sounds of Phil Collins. I hear Phil Collins every time I venture out in public. If I go into a shop, there's Phil. If I pass a building site Phil is blaring out at me. What surprised me was that the music in the music shop was chosen by 'young people'. They think Phil Collins is cool.

Our children are being fed a big fat lie. Phil Collins is not cool. Never was. Never will be. The man is boring. And in the entertainment industry, that matters.

The man broke up with his wife by fax! He's paid out 17 million pounds and 25 million pounds in divorce settlements. He has houses in Switzerland, New York and England. He doesn't need any more money. And have you ever seen him act? I sat through the film Buster in 1988. Never heard of it? With good reason.

The music of the 80s was not great. Mainstream 80s music was poxy then, and it's poxy now.

Phill Collins, Eurythmics, Belinda Carlyle. I don't know who decided their music should be radio staples. Radio stations that are meant to be nostalgic for people in their forties are an insult.

When the radio station Vega started, their motto was 40 years of music. I was hoping that as each year went by they would drop from their playlist a year from the 80s.

Mondo Rock and Dragon were always poxy. Yes, Tears for Fears and Spandau Ballet had their day. Do we need to hear it all again? No we don't. Not everyone was into the American rock of Bryan Adams, John Cougar Mellencamp, Guns and Roses, and Bon Jovi. Some people simply never liked Dire Straits or Billy Joel or INXS. Believe me. I speak the truth. And if these are the best examples of mainstream 80s music, you can imagine how awful the rest were. Stars on 45, Kenny Rogers, Barbra Streisand and Diana Ross when past their prime, Juice Newton, Air Supply, Charlene, Laura Branigan, Lionel Richie, Elton John, The Pointer Sisters, Whitney, Chris de Burgh, Rick Astley, Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, Sheena Easton, Milli Vanilli, Culture Club. That was 80s music. Phil Collins in context. He might look OK amongst that lot, but compared to The Beatles and The Stones? Lets just say Peter Gabriel can hold his head high.

I was in Year 12 when U2 and Eurythmics became popular. Yes, they were big. But was this the music that the 'cool young people' were listening to? Partly.

In the 80s the 'cool young people' in Sydney were listening to The Velvet Underground. To X. To early Cure and The Smiths. To Feedtime. The Go-Betweens. The Saints. The Damned and Killing Joke. To early Bowie and to Kate Bush. To Magazine, and Joy Division and XTC and The The. To Nick Cave and the Laughing Clowns. To James Brown, Sly and the Family Stone, and Prince. To the Beatles, Stones, Kinks, Doors, The Beach Boys and Aretha. To jazz and blues.

Look at the charts. 80s music was not all Walking on Sunshine. It was mostly pretty dire, and plenty of people looked outside the charts to find something to listen to. Just like now.