Idle parenting

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/why-lazy-parents-make-happy-families-20110824-1j94e.html

A piece today about a new book, 'The Idle Parent', by Tom Hodgkinson, who lives in the UK. This is in reaction to helicopter parenting and over-scheduled children. He teaches his kids Latin and Greek at home, so that might colour your view of him.

If you read the article, I think you get the idea, and won't need to buy the book.

I've read a similar book by Muffy Mead-Ferro called 'Confessions of a Slacker Mom' which I picked up second hand for $3. I don't know why these kinds of books have titles that make the parents sound negligent when they aren't, eg, 'Mommies Who Drink'. Part of the genre.

In my course at the moment we have been talking about kids being coached for selective schools. Is it any different from kids being coached to attend sports high school, or visual arts, or performing arts schools? Probably not. Working hard leads to achieving goals. That's not a message to be sneezed at. When it is at the expense of free time and socialising and having fun and gong to the occasional party - that's when it becomes a problem and unhealthy for the family, in my opinion.

Is my family over-scheduled? Yes. During the week. But weekends and holidays are free. Do we have lots of free time? Yes. The kids have playdates and time to moosh about. We have dinner at the table together every night. They go to bed at a decent time. They eat good food. As my friend who is a mother of five says, 'It isn't rocket science.' Simple things first - food and sleep. No amount of coaching will help if the children eat rubbish food and are tired.

The family party

I’ve been cool as a cucumber all week. I’ve had one child or another, or two, home sick every day. I’ve been going to the gym at night, doing uni readings at the doctor’s waiting room, and generally just rolling with it. Tomorrow I have the extended family coming over for lunch, as I do every August. I started because my family is big and my parents are old. They can’t host a full family gathering anymore. So they host smaller ones, and I host this one. And now I’m getting stressed.

When I started we weren’t really used to having parties. I’d go a bit mad. I’d yell at everyone while I’d spend two days cooking and cleaning. For the first one we didn’t have enough chairs, and I had to borrow from the neighbours. Another time I didn’t have enough cutlery and some of my guests ate with plastic baby spoons. One day it was very hot and my partner said we couldn’t sit everyone out in the blazing sun so my daughter smothered them in sunscreen and everyone wore a hat - mostly a hat from our dressup box. No-one complained. Everyone was happy. I need to remember that no-one is coming to inspect my house, and just as well.

I’ve had the kind of day where I’ve boiled the kettle a few times to make a cup of tea but haven’t actually got to make the tea. So now I’m just having a coffee. I’ve taken Clancy to the doctor’s this morning and spent an hour waiting for her prescription to be filled. I’ve shopped for groceries and bought some plates from an op-shop. I’ve made three desserts with three different children, because Clancy tells me it isn’t nice to be told she can help by staying out of the way. I’ve abandoned any hope of reading uni notes or going to the gym this weekend. I’ve combed three children and myself for nits because we don’t want our guests leaving with any unwanted party favours. I’ve upset the child who is giving up furniture for the 40 hour famine (and she gave up food for 20) by expecting her to sit down while I comb hair. I’ve brought in the washing but haven’t put it away. And I’ve just remembered that I haven’t bought my sister a gift for her birthday.

I’ve always told the children they can watch the M rated Harry Potter movies when they on tv as PG, and that’s happening tonight.

I’ll be going a bit crazy in the morning.

Having the whole family over also makes me a bit sad. It was at my place that we were last all together before my sister died. It was clear that she was dying, and she didn’t stay long. I was shocked to see her. She walked into my house like she was walking out of Auschwitz. She had Christmas presents for my girls because she knew she wouldn’t be here for Christmas and she was right. We took lots of photos.

This is what I’ll be reminding myself in the morning as I’m running around. The important thing is being together. Best to just keep rolling with it.

UK Riots, Social Justice, Behaviour Management, Education, and Ideology.

Isn't that a snappy title!

This semester I’m studying, for my Dip Ed, units on Education and Social Justice, and on Classroom Behaviour Management. I’m reading articles by specialists in those areas, who, in ideology and ideas, are saying things similar to the experts who have been commenting on the UK riots. The causes and possible solutions. So, I’m pretty full of theories this week. Theories such as:

Welfare makes people lazy, and gives them a sense of entitlement. We need to cut welfare and provide stronger law enforcement.

People feel they have no investment in their own communities. There is no hope for their future. They don’t care. How can we give them reasons to care?

The gap between rich and poor is growing. It is only natural that the poor will rebel. The poor see the big salaries paid to people who don’t deserve it and are resentful. They know it isn’t fair.

We need to bring in compulsory military service.

It is caused by the breakdown of the family.

The riots are symptomatic of loss of the power of the church in society.

We do young people no favours by keeping them in school until they are seventeen - it weakens the education system for everyone. If we can’t provide traineeships or apprenticeships, lets look to fast food chains to teach young people how to work.

Everyone has the right to an education. Everyone in society is valued and should be heard and should be catered for.

This is another indicator that capitalism is failing. We advertise consumer goods to everyone, telling the population that they need these things to be valued/attractive/worthwhile, so if people can’t afford to buy these things they’ll just steal them.

The riots are the result of police picking on people for no reason.

These people need support. Pulling funding for community programs was the last straw.

If you measure the success of a society by how the most vulnerable are treated, the riots are a symptom of a sick society.

We need greater taxing of the rich to help the poor.

The rioters and looters couldn’t even explain why they rioting and looting - it was sheer opportunism. They’re thugs.

With rights come responsibilities.

In order to learn people need to understand why they are being taught, and then make their own meaning.

Everyone needs to feel part of a community. Everyone needs to feel life has some purpose.

It’s all about power.

The most vulnerable or marginalised people need more support.

People in authority need to be consistent, fair and equitable.

The riots show how precariously our society holds together. The pretence of civilisation is a thin veneer.


This morning I picked up a copy of The Australian at the doctor’s waiting room (Banjo has tonsillitis) (they publish a column bagging the ABC and SMH, and I’m not sure why I’m surprised...) and found this:

YOU are right, of course, Ros Kidd (Talking Point, 13-14/8). But nor was it the rioting youths or their parents who implemented the education and social policies which led, at least in part, to the unrest.
For that, you must point the finger at the moronic Left-leaning postmodernist social-deconstructionists in charge of the asylum. I wager that these misguided people, almost to a person, read and absorbed Michel Foucault and Jacques Derrida with unmitigated glee.
Graeme Osborne, Southern River, WA

Well, that would be me and most people I know. It’s our fault. People thinking, or being compassionate, is the problem.

All depends on your ideology, which could do with some challenging. That’s what the UK riots are doing. Challenging our ideologies.

By the way, The Guardian Weekly put the story of the UK riots on page 12 of a 48 page edition. The lead story was on how India and China’s criticism of the US’s handling of their debts could be the tipping point of the transfer of global power from the USA to Asia.

The International Museum of Women wants your contribution

The International Museum of Women is now accepting submissions of any media type for our new online exhibition, Your Voices: On Motherhood. Submissions are accepted online through October 31, 2011, with a prize of US$1,000 to the Community Choice winner! Submissions due: Monday, October 31, 2011 For more information: Visit http://www.imow.org or contact the International Museum of Women at submissions@imow.org ABOUT IMOW: The International Museum of Women (IMOW) is an innovative global online museum that uses technology to showcase art, ideas and stories that celebrate, inspire and advance the lives of women around the world. SUBMISSIONS WANTED Artists, filmmakers, photographers, musicians, writers-IMOW wants to showcase your work in the new online exhibition Your Voices: On Motherhood. Contributions can come in any medium that is currently supported on IMOW.org (see below for details) and work must address a topic related to motherhood. IMOW wants to showcase the experiences, ideas, joys and challenges of a new global generation on this important issue. What are your fears and hopes as you think about whether to become a mother? How is being a 'good' mother defined in your country or culture? How is mothering now different to your mother or grandmother's generation? Potential topics may include but are not limited to: Motherhood and Identity Pregnancy and Childbirth - including maternal health Work/life Choices Motherhood Myths and Realities Teenage Motherhood Fathers Grandmothers Explore these questions and topics, or come up with your own. We encourage you to submit original art, creative writing, personal stories, journalism, music, audio, video, photography or animation for consideration, and take part in this extraordinary conversation! Submit your work online today! http://imow.org/exhibitions/call_for_submissions?key=331 View the IMOW Your Voices: On Motherhood flier: IMOW CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS

Motherhood Initiative for Research and Community Involvement (MIRCI) 140 Holland St. West, PO Box 13022, Bradford, ON, L3Z 2Y5 http://www.motherhoodinitiative.org info@motherhoodinitiative.org

Motherhood: The Musical - recommended

Last Night I saw Motherhood: The Musical and it was great fun. The audience enjoyed it wholeheartedly. Good on Sue Fabisch for writing the show. It has played in the US the last few years, and I hope it is regularly revived here. It deserves an audience. There are so many talented musical theatre performers in this country, and little opportunity for them beyond the big, expensive, cookie cutter musicals from Cameron Macintoch, so it is great to see them given this opportunity to perform. There needs to be room for smaller musicals as well. Granted, most of the audience were women, and it was probably mothers who laughed the hardest (we get the jokes) but I suspect it would also appeal to a wider audience (or maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part.)

Review from SMH here. http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/musicals/mummy-mia-here-we-go-again-in-joyful-romp-20110728-1i27v.html

True that it offers no great insights or solutions. But that doesn't matter. My view, today, is that it is enough that we see ourselves onstage. It's an accessable and enjoyable entertainment. (Which leaves room for another, slightly different type of musical about motherhood...)

You can buy the soundtrack here.
http://www.mommymusic.com/buy.html

What to Expect When You're Expecting - now a film!

That's right. That sanctimonious, most popular pregnancy book with impossible to follow advice is being made into a movie to be released in 2012.

Details here:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1586265/

Should be interesting.*


* Code for 'likely to be rather crap'.

My advice for young women

I’ve been thinking about what advice I would now give to my younger self, and what I would say to my nieces (if they were interested enough to listen to me) or to my own daughters. This is what I would say.#

* Don’t remove your body hair. Once you start you embark on a lifelong contract. I’d be very interested to see if the body hair I started removing as a teenager (underarm, and legs below the knees) would be soft and fair and fine, like my mother’s, if I never shaved. I suspect so. I’ll never know.

* See a colour and style consultant. It’s an investment that will save you a lot of money, and you’ll always look great.

* Don’t worry about what the guys are doing or whether or not they like you. Just do your own thing. Work on becoming good at whatever it is you are interested in. I spent too much time helping males with what they were interested in, at the expense of building on my own abilities. If a person you are interested in is interested in you he/she will let you know. Don’t go chasing after people. It’s undignified. People will accept what you offer (food, entertainment, sex), but if you keep offering, you’ll never know if they are really interested. Give people a chance to come to you. If they are interested, they’ll make the effort.

* Don’t waste your money when you’re young. When I was young some people spent all their money on drugs and alcohol. Some bought an investment property. Guess which ones are better off today.

* If you want to be a mother, just have one child. Two tops. We need women in the workplace. We need women to have more power and influence in society. Stay in the workforce. Earn your own money. Money buys you options. If you have more than two children you’ll be working to pay for childcare. The more children you have the more people are bringing germs into the home. The more people to keep an eye on and deal with all the people around them. The more children you have the more running around you do. The more children you have the greater the chances that someone won’t like the dinner you’ve cooked. With one or two children you can travel. You can bunk down at friend’s places. You are more likely to agree on things. Of course, if you thrive on living in constantly noisy chaos, and love combing every member of the household for nits on a regular basis, then go for it.

* Be careful who you breed with. You’ll be dealing with the person for the rest of your life, through thick and thin. The audition process should run longer than The Glee Project. Like The Glee Project you are looking for someone with shared values.Someone who is easy to work with. Someone who is stable, resourceful and has a positive attitude to life.

* If you don’t have kids, being able to cook is optional. If you have kids, it’s compulsory.

* If you want to have kids find a compatible job (ie, working at a school), or a partner who is able to earn good money working part time. If you can’t both job share, live near family members who are ready, willing and able to help. If not, then find or start a community of like-minded people, so there is always someone around. You need a network. My dream is to live with people who all work four days a week, so there is always someone to do the school runs and to pick up a sick kid from school. Share resources, share child care and household jobs, be a sounding board, support each other. Share some common space, but have our own spaces too. Communal parenting. Lovely. (Because it isn’t natural for one adult to be alone with children all day.)

* Taking care of yourself means getting enough sleep, eating fruit and vegetables, drinking water, keeping physically active, washing yourself, and either wearing sunscreen or staying out of the sun. Physically, that’s it. But you need to also look after your emotional health and finances.

* There are still some men in the world who believe women are lesser beings than men. Male friends of mine have told me that men just give lip service to female equality, but they don’t believe it. Behave in such a way that proves we deserve the rights our mothers fought for. Women are capable and responsible. We don’t want our rights taken away from us.

# Written the week I've had one child on antibiotics, one with a sore but not fractured arm, and the other came into my bed and vomited. If I was employed full time last week, I wouldn't be employed at all this week.

Raising a wee activist

Here is the letter Matilda wrote this afternoon after reading the note she brought home from school. She's eleven.

To P&C Fete Committee,

Every second year, I look forward to, and enjoy, the (School) Fete. This year I am sure that it will be better than ever, except for the gender stereotypical note asking for donations to the Tombola stall.

The note requests:

1. Toys for girls up to the value of $10 wrapped in pink paper
2. Toys for boys up to the value of $10 wrapped in blue paper

Surely the committee doesn’t think that only girls would like “girls toys” wrapped in pink paper. And I am sure that it’s not only boys who like “boys toys” in blue paper. I would also like to ask you what you define as a boy or girl toy. Boys don’t only want dinosaur toys and Hotwheels and girls don’t all share a desire for Barbies and anything pink. As well as this, I remember that even in pre-school the concept of separate boy and girl colours was always meant to be avoided. How can this be encouraged by a primary school fete committee!

What I am trying to tell you is that our whole world is trying to eliminate gender stereotypes so why shouldn’t our fete? I understand that you can’t change that note, but I hope that in the future our entire school community is aware that gender stereotypes are not acceptable in today’s society.

Sincerely,

(her name)

Two parenting stories

Two parenting news stories for today.

The UK government is endorsing a parenting campaign - five things parents should do each day.

Read to your child for 15 minutes
Play with your child on the floor for 10 minutes
Talk with your child for 20 minutes with the television off
Adopt positive attitudes towards your child and praise them frequently
Give your child a nutritious diet

I would have added one more. Make sure your child gets enough sleep. Nobody behaves well or is ready to learn when they’re tired. The 20 minutes of talk with the tv off could be taken care of by having dinner each night at the dinner table. And the playing on the floor applies only to younger children - just playing doing anything would be ok for older children.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/joepublic/2011/aug/04/parenting-tips-five-a-day

Some people find the idea insulting and middle class. I reckon any guidance the helps people learn how to parent (and lets face it, most people don't know how to parent until they have kids, and most just do what their own parents did, for good or ill), is a good move. If something similar was to be introduced here, I can hear the cries of 'nanny state' ( insulting to nannies?)

Also, controversy over the launching of a new toy. This is a baby doll that children can breastfeed. The nipples to be worn by the child are flowers, which is a bit weird. Normalising breastfeeding? Kind of. Stereotyping girls as mothers and nurturers? I don’t know. Certainly it’s a very gendered toy. I’d just say it is an unnecessary toy (as lots are). My girls have all pretended to breastfeed their baby dolls. Perhaps there is no market for it and it will die a quiet death.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/the-womens-blog-with-jane-martinson/2011/aug/03/breast-best-dolls

I could provide a roundup of news stories from The Guardian Weekly. Suffice to say the world is cactus, and I'll spare you the depressing details.

What the kids are into

This is what my kids are into at the moment. We all love Horrible Histories, and this is the song of the day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQVa1Nb0eKI

Horrible Histories is now a BBC Proms show playing at The Albert Hall. It won a British Comedy Award for best sketch show, competing against adult comedy. My daughter, Clancy, only got into reading for herself when I bought her some Horrible History books, and we love the tv series. My kids are singing the songs. A lot.

The other thing they're into at the moment is Big Babies. You can have a look here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahyf-zCDAvE&feature=related

When they're saying things I don't understand, it's either from Horrible Histories or Big Babies.

The Festival of Dangerous Ideas

http://www.sydneyoperahouse.com/about/program/festival_of_dangerous_ideas.aspx

To be held at the Sydney Opera House, the weekend of October 1&2. You can see the program and a list of panel participants here. Strangely, there isn't a list of who is sitting on which panel. I'm guessing Clem Bastow and Catherine Lumby might be hosting the topic All Women are Sluts. But I doubt there will be anyone who works with women traded into the sex industry, or victims of abuse. Seeing who is on what panel might give me a clue about what the topic Why are we Poisoning our Children? is actually about. Food additives? Sex and violence in the media? Arsenic? I just don't know.

I'm not sure I'll be going to either. I don't know that I'll be hearing any new ideas or radical suggestions re either topic, and I could spend my $30 an hour on something better elsewhere. And these things are usually recorded and uploaded so I can see the highlights from the comfort of my own home.

There are a few other topics that have caught my eye though. Society is Broken, and The Impossible: Communism and Anyone can make a Revolution. I wouldn't mind hearing Jullian Assange re Wikileaks, and Jonathon Safron Foer re food, but I get the feeling I already know what they're going to say. For$30 an hour, I want some really dangerous ideas. Something exciting. Something that makes me believe change is possible and we present at the discussion can be a part of it. But I won't know unless I go. A bit like a party for grown ups. I won't bother going if it is just a little tea party - I could do that at home - but if it turns into a rave, I don't want to miss it.

Bananas. Or yesterday and today.

That was the day that was.

Here’s a little rundown of yesterday, and today, so far.

The day began with my dream of being hunted by murderous kittens. I kid you not. I awoke later than I wanted to, which I attributed to having a cold, and Cyberbuy asking if I am supposed to be up already. Apparently he had been awake for ‘hours’. I got Clancy up, and she cried saying that it was too late to go to band practice. We could have made it if we hurried, but she said the band teacher would be mad if she wasn’t early, so she went back to bed. I had breakfast and a shower. The other children got up and had breakfast. Cyberguy spent the morning yelling at Banjo, and making her scared and sad. She said he had poisoned her breakfast. He got angrier. I tried to muster the children in the right direction. Matilda was ready to walk to school, but Banjo wanted to walk with her but wasn’t ready, and Clancy only likes walking if we go the longer way. We were planing to walk together the long way. Then Cyberguy had a shower and was shouting ‘help me!.’ He was stuck inside the broken shower door. I had meant to tell him it was broken but forgot. He yelled at me and called me a prick. With no time to trade insults I left him there and drove the children to school. When I came back he was out of the shower (he’d dismantled the doors) and I drove him to the train station. Then I got some petrol, so I could give a child a $5 note for a sausage and can of drink lunch at the school fundraiser, and popped into the shops to pick up some buns, a lottery ticket and four small bananas at $7.99 a kilo.

Home again. Looked at emails and the SMH’s stupid story on Kristina Kineally’s new hairstyle. Reworked some writing for my first assignment. Ate. Tried to find my notes so I could blog about the mothering conference, but I've lost them. In the post received my free birthday ticket to the movies, so I might see Jane Eyre sometime in the next few weeks. Off to school at 11 for open day bearing boxes of tissues for classrooms. Visit three. Chat to other mums. Home again and submit first assignment. Ate. Packed for after school dance classes. Back to school at 1.30 for debate. Our team lost by a whisker. The adjudicator said it was the best primary school debate he’d seen. Home again to finish packing, and downloaded this week’s readings (I’m already behind). My friend rang to say her son’s party planned for the weekend was cancelled as he doesn’t want a party. There goes my social life. Back to school to pick up children. Clancy fell over at school and didn’t want to dance. Banjo was invited to a friend’s place for a playdate. Home. Sort the fete craft we’ve made. Took Matilda to dancing. Told the dance school principal that Banjo is dropping out of her class because they aren’t dancing to Cyndi Lauper. She said there will be a different teacher from next week. Back to pick up Banjo and drop off the craft items. Home to prepare dinner - shepherd’s pie so I could use up leftover mashed potato. Then off again to pick up Matilda from ballet. We saw the end of the class and Matilda fell onto her arm. She was shaken and crying. She puked into the bin. One of the assistant teachers is a trainee paramedic and checked her out. Got ice and a sling. She secured the ice in the sling. Asked if she had eaten anything unusual today. A banana? Made sure she was OK, gave us a vomit bag for the journey home. On the way to the car I sneezed a few times and wet my pants. We went home and I finished making dinner. Clancy was grazed in several places. Matilda feeling better but her arm, hand and wrist are sore. The Principal of the dance school called to check that Matilda was OK while Helen Reddy was singing ‘I am Woman’ on the radio. We ate. Banjo said she’ll go back to her class if there is a new teacher. Cyberguy came home and fixed the shower door. The children settled in their beds. Matilda got up, distressed, so I settled her in my bed. I told her I can take her to the doctor in the morning if she wants. I took an antihistamine and went to bed.

Morning, while discussing going to the doctor’s Clancy says she wants to stay home from school. I say I could take her to the doctor too, for her cough she’s had for two months. Matilda decides to go to school. Banjo drops her breakfast bowl on her foot and the bowl smashes on the floor. I write notes for two injured children and drive them to school. Then home for a shower. I drop off at school the project and jacket that the children accidentally left at home, and take Clancy to the doctor, who puts her on antibiotics for the crackle in the lung. The doctor says that Matilda’s arm might be fractured. I’ll take her for an x-ray tomorrow.

What's going on with gender?

Two things yesterday.

Blue Milk has shared her experience of teaching a Montessori class of 5-6 year olds about the messages they receive about gender, and asks them to challenge those messages. Great work!

http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2011/07/31/adventures-from-the-frontline-running-my-first-anti-sexism-workshop-with-young-children/

News With Nipples writes about Sacha Molitorisz’s article about poor female role models, citing music videos, magazines, and the film Bad Teacher. Great work NWN.

http://newswithnipples.com/2011/08/01/every-fictional-female-doesnt-need-to-be-a-role-model/

Some things about me

My friend Melissa, from Through The Wardrobe, recently gave me a Sweet Blog Award. I'm supposed to state ten things about me, then pass the award on to fifteen of my favourite blogs. The problem is I don't really have those kinds of blog relationships. The blogs I read are not really sweet, or the blogger would have no idea who I am, and I would just feel a bit weird about doing it. Like when my friend asked me to be her bridesmaid at her wedding. I'm just not the type. (She chose a man instead.) However, I did enjoy writing down some things about me. So much so I'm just going to share them anyway.

* My nickname as a child was Bones. In my twenties/early thirties it was Anoushka, Nooshy or Nooshyburger.

* When I was in Kindy I got the chicken pox and all my hair fell out. It grew back twice as thick. (So at that time I was skinny and bald.)

* At high school I was in a production of Godspell. I played the prodigal son, and met my first serious boyfriend. It gave me taste for performance. And cast parties.

* I won an award for songwriting, bestowed by SCALA. The songwriting partner and I had written three songs together in one night. It was our first attempt. There is a pic of me on their site.

* The first cd I bought was Jeff Buckley’s Grace (even though I had a tape of it). I was a late adopter because at uni I didn’t have a stereo with me - my records were in storage - I just had tapes. The first record I bought was probably an Abba album.

* The first big concert I went to was David Bowie, Serious Moonlight tour, at Sydney showground, in 1983. I wore a boxy orange jumpsuit.

* I fractured my coccyx birthing my second child.

* At 19 I made my sister in law’s wedding dress. Now, I darn socks.

* I’m pretty handy with a hoola hoop.

* Most of my clothes are from op shops. That’s the way I like it.

* As a child I would ask my mum to quiz me on who won what Academy Award as listed in the World Book Encyclopaedia, up to 1971, when Oliver! won best picture.

* In the car I still play mixed tapes I made for parties I gave in 1985 and about 1997. I also play a series of tapes of songs I recorded from 2SM’s Silver Jubilee of Rock in 1977.

* Stories of alien abduction totally freak me out!

One day my head is gonna explode

And today might be that day. Week one of uni and week two of term.

The kids have too many activities, in school and, well, in school. Opportunities, they’re usually called, but for me today, they’re called headaches. I’ve just realised I should change my uni enrolment because the units I’ve enrolled in for this term assume knowledge I haven’t covered yet. I need to be doing the less challenging subjects this semester, because I already feel my stress levels have risen to boiling point just reading about the unit activities and assessments. Household chores - never ending. Gym. I'm supposed to keep moving to stop my body from hurting. Volunteering. I do my share (and I swear, if the school calls for volunteers for one more function, I may as well just homeschool and be done with it). Sick child. Consulting with the village to make sure everyone gets to where they need to be. Thinking about how I’m going to earn some money but no time to actually follow through. Something’s gotta give.

And where are those missing library books and the missing birth certificate??

Take a breath and back to basics. Whatever I can’t deal with right now, I’ll think about it later.

In the words of Katie Scarlett O'Hara, tomorrow is another day.

Sydney has a problem

Sydney has a self-image problem.

Sydney thinks it is sunny all the time, so Sydney freaks out when it rains for a week. The gutters overflow, the roads flood, the trains don't run on time. Sydney can't cope. Sydney is in denial. No central heating for rooms in Sydney. Open plan living areas, (impossible to heat) in Sydney houses. Nowhere to put umbrellas or coats. Because Sydney is always warm and sunny.

Winter Staycation

Our winter holiday has come to an end. This time my plan was to have a good rest. We’ve mostly stayed home, resting. Perhaps a little too much. Our meals have become haphazard and slap dash. We remind each other to change out of our pyjamas if someone is coming over to visit. We remind each other to wash. Some days, that has taken all day.

Last term we had a few bouts of illness. The kids were each sick twice, in turn. I started last term with a bad back and ended with an infection that took three courses of antibiotics to get rid of (if it has in fact been cleared). Banjo has been doing bladder training. We’ve just been looking after our bodies. Haircuts and teeth. Back to basics.

Because it has been a break from school and uni I have been aware that this has been my chance to attend to a few jobs. We’ve been decluttering and cleaning. We’ve been making crafts to sell at the school fete. And I’ve read some books (that aren’t textbooks!).

I’ve been nodding my head in agreement at the two books I’ve read: Night Waking by Sarah Moss and How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran.

Night Waking is about a family who is staying on a fictional island on the west coast of Scotland. The mother is an academic who is supposed to finishing her book on childhood in Victorian Britain, but whose partner is studying puffins on the island, leaving her manage the children, a night waking toddler and a son who worries more about global problems than is healthy (and probably has Asperger’s). There is much whinging about motherhood, much about the history of raising children, issues of class and the environment, and someincidental tips on academic writing. I enjoyed reading this, but I wonder how women stay married after writing such a scathing account of parenting with a constantly criticised male partner.

How to be a Woman is part memoir, part rant on the current state of feminism by UK columnist (I didn’t know who she was until I read the book) Caitlin Moran, whose photograph on the cover is part muppet, part Munster (and she wouldn’t mind me saying that.) I can identify with her childhood (large family), and most of the cultural references. Her take on feminism has three main points. You can call out sexism as rudeness. If the men aren’t doing it, why are women? And we can deal with feminine expectations by shrugging them off or laughing. Say no to wearing high heels, to Brazilians and cosmetic surgery, to g strings and trashy gossip mags. Say yes to women being funny. She talks about a few issues that are rarely addressed:masturbation, the joy of having a hairy muff, and abortion when already a mother (now there’s a topic no-one mentioned in the reviews - scares people off!).

We’ve had two little events to punctuate the holiday (because it is so sad when the children have to write about their weekend, and the highlight is going to the laundromat). Banjo celebrated her 7th birthday with a Pippi Longstocking afternoon tea, and we saw the musical Mary Poppins. The first big show for Clancy and Banjo. I’d say half the audience at the matinee we attended were children. Very lucky, affluent children.

So now, back to the madness of middle class mothering. My routine includes two school drop-offs most mornings, going to the gym, and studying. It’s going to a busy term - the children have lots of performances to prepare, there is a lot going on at school this term. And also this week, back to the doctor (my hip has been hurting for months, and lets see how that infection is faring) and, at the first opportunity, seeing Harry Potter. Can’t wait to see how the story is finished, and what is left out - because there just isn’t enough time to finish telling that story. And as much as the children would love to see the movie, we're holding fast to the ratings on this, and agreed they can watch the PG version when it appears on tv instead. All in good time.

Being authentic

Two ideas I've come across lately are stretching my brain.

On the blog Zero Waste Home, Bea said she doesn't keep loads of books and artwork in the house because she realised she was keeping these things to show people what kind of person she is. (She also says she stores her books at the library, which is a neat way of looking at it.) Bea was an exhibiting artist when she decided to go zero waste. She said being zero waste has fuelled her creatively. She no longer has a workshop of art supplies calling on her to make something, and causing her to feel guilty when she doesn't. She can be creative where ever and how ever she wants. But she's got me thinking.

Do I keep lots of books in the house because I want people to think of me as an intellectual person? Do I keep artwork (most of it I have made myself) because I want to prove to people that I'm creative? Do I have lots of recorded music in the house because I want people to think I'm cultured?

The other idea is from something Richard Fidler said on his interview program on 702. He has an hour long interview with someone each weekday. He has interviewed a lot of people.

He said that people who have gone through a hardship (serious illness, serious car accidents, being left for dead at the side of the road and surviving) seem to then scrape away the artifice of modern life to live a more authentic life.

I wanted to ask him what he means. What does it mean to live an authentic life? Does it mean not using hair colour? Does it mean not bothering to make your bed? Does it mean being the person you see yourself as, even if that means applying artifice to do that? How do you know you are living an authentic life? Do you need to live with few possessions to live an authentic life? Do you need to be constantly confronting yourself to find out who you are? (Bear Grylls?) Does being authentic mean you say the awful things you may think even if it may hurt someone else, or can you be authentic and try to be kind? Is an authentic life one of service to others?

What if my authentic self has blonde hair? Is slimmer and has bigger breasts? Lives with lots of books and artwork and music? What if my authentic self is constantly on the phone or FB? Or really loves shoes? What if I really care that people think of me as intelligent, creative and cultured?

Will my daughter who is very attached to her long blonde hair - it is part of her identity - not become her authentic self until we cut off her hair and she confronts who she really is?

Does being authentic change as you grow up? Are we most authentic as children? Is that something we should hold on to? Am I more authentic when I'm tired? Or stressed because I have an assignment due? Or most authentic when I am well and happy?

Or is living an authentic life just one of those wishy washy things that sound good to say but we don't really think it through and know what it means?

Right, I'm off to get my nose pierced as a reminder to myself to live a more authentic life.

The Carbon Tax

While the newspapers are emphasisng what the carbon tax might mean to household food bills (and why they don't look at other items people purchase, eg, electrical gadgets, toys, clothes, I don't know, and how they can predict prices in 12 months time in our changing time, 'hello bananas' I don't know) and the compensation package (when we became a nation of people with our hands out for compensation for every bump in the road, I don't know - but I can't see my generation toughing things out like people did during WWII) I thought I'd share the wins of the Carbon Tax announcement.

• A price on pollution which big polluters will have to pay: $23 per tonne of carbon
  
• $10 Billion investment in renewable energy
• 80% cut in Australia’s emissions by 2050
• Assistance to vulnerable Australians totalling over $4 billion per annum
• Starting to close the most polluting coal fired power stations and stop new ones from opening
• $1B for the protection of Australia’s biodiversity, wildlife and woodlands.

Well done Australia. This is what we need. Tying the package to an overhaul of the personal tax system is a good move. And no, our household does not qualify for financial compensation. Our compensation is the possibility of a healthy planet. Thanks.

Now to pass it through Parliament...

Ann Oakely and Barbara Wooton

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/jul/07/barbara-wootton-was-too-visionary

Sharing this article on Ann Oakley (longtime feminist writer - I read her memoir Taking it Like a Woman in my first year of motherhood - now professor of sociology and social policy) has written a book on Barbara Wootton called A Critical Woman. Wootton was a woman of amazing achievements, but she isn't well remembered.

An article worth reading.

Around the world - updating issues

Time for a world round-up, care of The Guardian Weekly. (24 June - 14 July )

There is a new political party in Iceland that is shaking things up by holding some power yet not playing the political game. Jon Gnarr, a comedian, leads a party of ex-punks, poets and pop stars who formed The Best Party, and he has been voted in as Mayor of Reykjavik.The anarcho-surrealist party is shaking up a corrupt system, reeling from financial meltdown.

Women in Saudi Arabia are protesting against a ban on women driving in public by driving in public. Five women have been arrested.

Women in Afghanistan are the most at risk women in the world. The most dangerous countries in which to be born female are, in order, Afghanistan, the DRC, Pakistan, India and Somalia, according to a global survey.

A story on the sex selection crisis in developing countries. In India there are 112 boys born to every 100 girls. In China there are 121 boys to every 100 girls. The Chinese city of Lianyungang records 163 boys per 100 girls in 2007. The pattern spills into Azerbaijan, Georgia, Armenia and Albania. A book, Unnatural Selection, by Mara Hvistendahl, explores the trend, and looks to the consequences. "Historically, societies in which men substantially outnumber women are not nice places to live", she writes. It creates new markets in trading women.

The number of people forcibly displaced (in their own country or out of their own country) has reached a 15 year high, according to the UNHCR. Their report estimates 43.7 million refugees and people displaced by events such as war and natural disasters at the end of last year. More than half are children.

Julia Kristeva writes a piece on the history, and current state, of women's rights in China.

A review of the book Millions Like Us: Women's Lives in War and Peace 1939-1945, by Virginia Nicholson. The books uses memoirs of women during wartime. Eg, ' For a housewife who's been a cabbage for 15 years, you feel you've got out of a cage." Very interesting.

Diabetes is now a global epidemic. More than 350 million people in the world now have diabetes. It is one of the biggest causes of mortality worldwide, and set to become the single biggest burden on the world healthcare system.

Gay marriage has been legalised in new York.

Women in the US have been charged over losing their unborn babies. Bei Bei Shuai, 34, was charged with murdering her unborn child when, after her partner abandoned her, she took rat poison in order to kill herself. She was revived, but her child died. Rennie Gibbs became pregnant at age 15, but lost the baby at 36 weeks. Prosecutors in Mississippi found she had a cocaine habit, and charged her with 'depraved-heart murder'. She faces life in prison. In Alabama at least 40 cases have been brought under the 'chemical endangerment' law which has been applied in a way which was not intended when the law was introduced in 2006.

The richest people in the world have not only recouped their losses from the GFC, but are richer than ever.

A story on the huge female hip-hop scene in Detroit.

A review of the book A Quiet Revolution: The Veil's Resurgence from the Middle East to America, by Leila Ahmed.

A review of the book To Die For: Is Fashion Wearing out the World? by Lucy Siegle

Christine Lagarde, the French Finance minister, is the new head of the International Monetary Fund, and the first women to run a global financial fund.

A story on water - essential for life and running out. The 16 most water stressed states are in the Middle East and North Africa. Population growth, greater use of water, especially in agriculture, acquifers drying up.

Collaborative consumption is a solution to living unsustainably, presented by Australian, Rachel Botsman, in her book What's Mine is Yours: How Collaborative Consumption is Changing the Way We Live. The idea is to share what we have - cars, space, skills - using the internet or social networking, and based on trust. Botsman argues that soon our reputation rating, based on online feedback to services and online comments to assess our trustworthiness, will be as important as our credit rating. It does, however, need critical mass in order to work.

The Guardian has a page each issue on International Development, looking these weeks at Brazilian mothers working in trades,and microfinance in Cambodia.

The Guardian has been the go-to for journalists reporting on The News Of the World phone hacking scandal, and the subsequent folding of the publication. Cheers, Guardian. Well done.

I'm looking forward to their reporting of the Carbon Tax.

The Toy Sales

Mums on the mum forums tend to get rather excited by the toy sales. K Mart,Target and Big W all have toy sales at this time of year. Mothers line up to get their children the toys they want, and put those toys on lay by for Christmas. Then line up to retrieve the toys on Christmas Eve.

The toys sales and our family have little to do with each other. My kids are kind of past the toy phase of early childhood. They don't need any more toys. For gifts I've been giving them gifts of experience or activities, like going to a show or having lessons. I'll buy them books and cds (we know where to store them in our home.) I feel like we have already had most types of toys (most we got second hand) and I've already given those toys away to friends with younger children or to the op shops. I should add we don't have electronic games, ipods or Wii - we just aren't on that page.

I did, however, pick up a catalogue from one of the shops and the children looked through it. What I noticed (aside from how gendered the presentation of toys are) is that the toys are now cheaper than they were five to ten years ago. How is that possible? What cost is not being factored into the equation? When we know that the earth's resources are limited (most of the materials are made from oil based products), and the conditions for factory workers in China (and yes, all these toys are made in China), what does that mean? Does it mean we don't care so long as we can buy our kids toys cheaply?

We can apply to same questions to clothes. Clothes are cheaper to buy now than they were five to ten years ago. How is that possible? Will that change with the introduction of a carbon tax? I hope so.

An article on how inaction on climate change will affect our children here.
http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/politics/climate-inaction-risks-childrens-wellbeing-20110705-1h0mj.html