As a child my nickname was Bones, because I was so skinny it was painful for adults when I sat on their lap.
Yesterday my white cell count was 22. That's a freaking miracle - down from 124 last week. That's how crazy this drug is. It's working. I like that it has the word 'live' in its name. I like that I now have my own script and am developing a relationship with a local pharmacist who will order it in each time I need a new bottle. These drugs aren't stored at the pharmacy. They cost $5000 a bottle. (That's not what I pay.) Here's the downside. The drugs make my bones hurt. Now, I have bones in every part of my body, so that's a lot of hurting. It may not all hurt at once, but every part is taking turns. My hands hurt. My back. My hips. My jaw. My feet. This isn't the time to start trying to wear ballet flats.
I'll be seeing my doctor twice next week, down from every second day. I no longer need to pack a hospital bag every time I get my blood checked. I've asked people to take me to my appointments, because I've been too tired to be able to drive home, but I'm finding that it's lovely to spend that time with people. I've been a little less tired, and my head has cleared a little, but I might keep asking people to come with me to my appointments because it's nice to have the company. Next week I'll ask about pain relief. I couldn't take certain ones with the chemo drugs, and I can't take certain others with the Leukaemia drugs, so I'll just wait it out, now I've switched drugs, and be Bones again for a while.
Today wasn't a day I saw my doctor. I thought I might try going to yoga to stretch myself, figuring if I need to lie down during it, no-one would mind. But no. My two older girls are on school camp. Because we had no driving around to do in the afternoon I suggested Banjo play on the playground equipment. She fell out of a tree and hurt her wrist. I had walked to school (which hurt, but I have to keep moving) so another mum got her car and gave us a lift home. Last night I received a call from a teacher at camp. Matilda had something stuck in her eye and it wasn't coming out. She was uncomfortable. If it wasn't better in the morning they would take her to a doctor. I suggested that a GP wouldn't do anything except send them to a specialist. It happened before when Matilda was a preschooler. A piece of bark had stuck under her eyelid and I took her to the eye hospital. I have a rule now - if something is stuck in an eye longer than an hour I drive to the eye hospital. I'm not messing around with anyone's sight. And normally when a child falls and has an injury I drive to the hospital. This after learning the hard way. Anyway, I wanted to start a new relationship with a doctor who had been recommended (for me, someone more personal and private - the bulk billers were impersonal, the pay up fronts were - well, too expensive and hard to get an appointment). I needed to start again on investigating Banjo's tummy pains. So, we went to the doctor's, then to book the x ray and ultrasound, then home to hear a phone message that the School Principal had taken Matilda to a local optometrist who had removed some stuff from under her eyelid and she was now fine. Then back for the x-ray and wait an hour for the results. I told Banjo that if we had to go to hospital, I would need to come home for a nap first. She looked appalled. O happy day, no fracture, and home for a rest. So the day ended much better than it could have. It's been one of the few days in which I've thought a mobile phone would be handy.
motherhood activism Australia, maternal feminism
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Changing Direction
At last post my wcc was 124 and I started on the chemo drugs. On Saturday my wcc was 120. Not great, but a change in direction, and a significant one. I was instructed to increase the meds. Today, my wcc is, (and I was nervous about this - I'd packed a hospital bag in case I was admitted), 78.6. Good news. My doctor acquired some CML medication for me to get started on while my application for the drug is being processed - quite a bureaucratic process by all accounts.
We also had a quick chat about the possibility of a bone marrow transplant, and starting to look for donors. Good news for my children - they can't be donors. (There goes my threat to make them clean up after themselves.) My doctor thinks we should be able to find a donor who isn't related to me. If it comes to that.
When I woke up on Saturday morning I felt a little better than I had in weeks. My mind was a bit clearer. I don't feel great - I have cramps and an upset stomach - but I started to feel a little more positive.
I'm in a Facebook group with other students who are mums, and whenever I'm about to go in for a blood test, I've been asking them to guess what my wcc will be. Making it a game. Why not? It helps to not take it all too personally.
A change in direction is good! I hope my wcc will never be as high as that again. More blood tests, and in about a month, another bone marrow biopsy. Now we have to push all my results back to the chronic phase, then into remission.
We also had a quick chat about the possibility of a bone marrow transplant, and starting to look for donors. Good news for my children - they can't be donors. (There goes my threat to make them clean up after themselves.) My doctor thinks we should be able to find a donor who isn't related to me. If it comes to that.
When I woke up on Saturday morning I felt a little better than I had in weeks. My mind was a bit clearer. I don't feel great - I have cramps and an upset stomach - but I started to feel a little more positive.
I'm in a Facebook group with other students who are mums, and whenever I'm about to go in for a blood test, I've been asking them to guess what my wcc will be. Making it a game. Why not? It helps to not take it all too personally.
A change in direction is good! I hope my wcc will never be as high as that again. More blood tests, and in about a month, another bone marrow biopsy. Now we have to push all my results back to the chronic phase, then into remission.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Another day, another plan.
It turns out my disease is more progressed than we first thought. The bone marrow biopsy results show elements of the next phases, accelerated and blasts. Also, my white cell count has increased over the fortnight since this journey started. I started with a wcc of 70. Today it is 124. So, we have a new plan. I’m starting on medication today that will hopefully bring down my wcc. It is like chemotherapy in tablet form. We had to find a pharmacist who stocks it, and when he gave it to me he said ‘it’s full on’, and ‘good luck’. I’ve signed the paperwork to start on the medication for CML. I’ll be getting my blood tested every second day, and if the results aren’t changing the way we want they’ll admit me to clean my blood or start me on chemotherapy.
We also had a chat about the possibility of a bone marrow transplant down the track. Although I’m from a large family, most members of my family have a genetic predisposition to bowel cancer. We had genetic testing when my sister was diagnosed. I have one sister who doesn’t have this gene, and I might have to ask her for a big favour.
As for now, I’ll take it one blood test at a time.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
wcc
I
was going to post a few weeks ago saying that my body has been coming
up with new and interesting ways to tell me to rest. I had no idea how
true that statement would have been.
I’ve been feeling unwell for the past few weeks. I had a big ulcer on my tongue which stopped me from being able to talk and eat properly. I thought I was run down. It cleared as ulcers do. Then I realised that through this time I’d actually had a sore neck. While the children were off my hands I popped in to see the doctor, who thought I had a problem with my thyroid, so sent me for a blood test and an ultrasound. That night the doctor rang to say I had to come in first thing in the morning, and if I felt worse to go to hospital. I was thinking I might need to get my thyroid out. When I went in the see the doctor next day everyone in the surgery knew to expect me, and was abuzz that I was there. Not a good sign.
Anyway, it turned out my white cell count (wcc) was 70. The normal range is 4-11. I was given a referral to a Haematologist. I went home and looked online at the words in the referral, and the details of the blood test report. The words that kept coming up were bone marrow, immunology and leukaemia. The specialist is part of the cancer care team. That night I felt worse, so went to hospital. They gave me some fluids and medication and took lots of blood. I saw a member of the Haematology team and organised a bone marrow biopsy to see exactly what is going on and what my treatment will be.
I have Chronic Myeloid Leukaemia. It can be treated with medication I can take at home. Untreated, it becomes acute and is fatal. I’ll be taking the treatment. I don’t know yet what the side effects will be, and how I’ll feel. At the moment I’m just very tired, a bit nauseous and short of breath. I hope to feel better soon. I start the treatment next week. Of all the leukaemias to get, this one is the most manageable, with the greatest survival rate. So, I'm feeling pretty lucky. Lucky that I live in 2012, because this cancer can now be treated with designer drugs, and lucky to live in a city so I have access to medical care. We haven't ruled out chemotherapy at this stage, as more test results are being reported.
The timing has been good. Because I had planned to be on prac I had cleared four weeks to do nothing but that. I’ve cancelled prac, so have a few more weeks to just deal with the sickness and try to get better. I’ve enrolled in one unit of study over summer, but can withdraw if I don’t feel I can manage.
Life can change pretty quickly. I’ll be a keeping close watch on my wcc, and seeing a haematologist, for the rest of my life.
I’ve been feeling unwell for the past few weeks. I had a big ulcer on my tongue which stopped me from being able to talk and eat properly. I thought I was run down. It cleared as ulcers do. Then I realised that through this time I’d actually had a sore neck. While the children were off my hands I popped in to see the doctor, who thought I had a problem with my thyroid, so sent me for a blood test and an ultrasound. That night the doctor rang to say I had to come in first thing in the morning, and if I felt worse to go to hospital. I was thinking I might need to get my thyroid out. When I went in the see the doctor next day everyone in the surgery knew to expect me, and was abuzz that I was there. Not a good sign.
Anyway, it turned out my white cell count (wcc) was 70. The normal range is 4-11. I was given a referral to a Haematologist. I went home and looked online at the words in the referral, and the details of the blood test report. The words that kept coming up were bone marrow, immunology and leukaemia. The specialist is part of the cancer care team. That night I felt worse, so went to hospital. They gave me some fluids and medication and took lots of blood. I saw a member of the Haematology team and organised a bone marrow biopsy to see exactly what is going on and what my treatment will be.
I have Chronic Myeloid Leukaemia. It can be treated with medication I can take at home. Untreated, it becomes acute and is fatal. I’ll be taking the treatment. I don’t know yet what the side effects will be, and how I’ll feel. At the moment I’m just very tired, a bit nauseous and short of breath. I hope to feel better soon. I start the treatment next week. Of all the leukaemias to get, this one is the most manageable, with the greatest survival rate. So, I'm feeling pretty lucky. Lucky that I live in 2012, because this cancer can now be treated with designer drugs, and lucky to live in a city so I have access to medical care. We haven't ruled out chemotherapy at this stage, as more test results are being reported.
The timing has been good. Because I had planned to be on prac I had cleared four weeks to do nothing but that. I’ve cancelled prac, so have a few more weeks to just deal with the sickness and try to get better. I’ve enrolled in one unit of study over summer, but can withdraw if I don’t feel I can manage.
Life can change pretty quickly. I’ll be a keeping close watch on my wcc, and seeing a haematologist, for the rest of my life.
Monday, October 01, 2012
Words on the way out
I’ve already said I’m not using the words ‘sexy’ or ‘hot’ anymore (not that I did use them anyway), because they are so overused they are emptied of meaning. There are lots of other words that could get a run and describe more clearly what we mean: fit, attractive, pretty, glamorous, aroused, and so on.
I’ve also stopped using the word ‘lame’ unless I’m describing someone who can’t walk. I think it is unfair to use the word ‘lame’ as shorthand for an idea that is unworkable, or a joke that falls flat. It’s like saying something is ‘gay’ as an insult. Not on. As we’ve seen in the paralympics, even the lame aren’t lame. So lets just leave it out.
I’m adding another one. ‘Inappropriate’. An overused word that is code for something more specific that we aren’t saying. Especially when talking about issues around protecting children. I realised this when we were talking about how to teach children what songs may or may not be suitable to play in a primary school. Telling children that some songs are ‘inappropriate’ doesn’t give them any direction. We need to be more specific, not just in this case, but, I’ve observed, whenever we use the word. We could say that something is not consistent with policy, or is hurtful or damaging, or unsuitable because, or simply not what we want. ‘Inappropriate’ has had its day, and is on the way out.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Welcome to my week
This week is a big one, the last for third term.
I have two assignments due. The children have two evening concerts. Matilda has debating and public speaking. Oh, and a cake stall, just to round out the schedule. As well as our usual regular activities. I need to clean up the whole house so the babysitter doesn’t think we live like pigs. This involves a massive op shop donation, that is currently sitting in our hallway, known as purgatory (the goods are on their way out, but haven’t made it to their destination yet). I’ve been asking the children to do some extra chores, but they say they need a rest. I understand. If I could at all be cloned, now would be a good time.
I’m hoping my back will feel better soon. I may or may not have hurt it doing a bridge in yoga, and may or may not have been a little too pleased with myself when the teacher asked me to demonstrate to the class.
I have two weddings coming up and I’ve managed to buy myself a new dress. Not a new second hand dress but brand new. That’s exciting for me. I justify it to myself by reminding myself I hardly ever buy new, and the only time I’ve worn a wedding dress was playing a madwoman on stage. I managed to get into the city, buy the dress, and get out before the protests. The dress is very much like this, and I’m happy. http://shop.collettedinnigan.com.au/hermosa-lace-dress/
It's St Andrews blue. My best colour. I had a very similar dress I bought about thirty years ago that I bought at an op shop and wore until it fell apart.
It was interesting talking to young sales assistants. I know exactly what I want and what suits me. I know my colours. I know I want to wear a bra, so nothing strapless or strappy or backless. Short sleeves are good at my age. I’m a short person, so don’t wear fabrics with big prints. Skirts to the knee or the floor, but nothing short. No V necks - round or sweetheart necklines are better on me. And the fabric must breathe, so nothing that feels synthetic. They weren’t any help.
After this week we have two weeks of sleeping, singing, swimming, drawing, and generally mootching about and pottering around at home. We’ll also be visiting my mum, who is recovering from a stroke. She needs to practice talking. I’m sure we can help with that. And I’ll be writing a piece about sloths in literature and the value of idleness. Ahh. Idleness.
I have two assignments due. The children have two evening concerts. Matilda has debating and public speaking. Oh, and a cake stall, just to round out the schedule. As well as our usual regular activities. I need to clean up the whole house so the babysitter doesn’t think we live like pigs. This involves a massive op shop donation, that is currently sitting in our hallway, known as purgatory (the goods are on their way out, but haven’t made it to their destination yet). I’ve been asking the children to do some extra chores, but they say they need a rest. I understand. If I could at all be cloned, now would be a good time.
I’m hoping my back will feel better soon. I may or may not have hurt it doing a bridge in yoga, and may or may not have been a little too pleased with myself when the teacher asked me to demonstrate to the class.
I have two weddings coming up and I’ve managed to buy myself a new dress. Not a new second hand dress but brand new. That’s exciting for me. I justify it to myself by reminding myself I hardly ever buy new, and the only time I’ve worn a wedding dress was playing a madwoman on stage. I managed to get into the city, buy the dress, and get out before the protests. The dress is very much like this, and I’m happy. http://shop.collettedinnigan.com.au/hermosa-lace-dress/
It's St Andrews blue. My best colour. I had a very similar dress I bought about thirty years ago that I bought at an op shop and wore until it fell apart.
It was interesting talking to young sales assistants. I know exactly what I want and what suits me. I know my colours. I know I want to wear a bra, so nothing strapless or strappy or backless. Short sleeves are good at my age. I’m a short person, so don’t wear fabrics with big prints. Skirts to the knee or the floor, but nothing short. No V necks - round or sweetheart necklines are better on me. And the fabric must breathe, so nothing that feels synthetic. They weren’t any help.
After this week we have two weeks of sleeping, singing, swimming, drawing, and generally mootching about and pottering around at home. We’ll also be visiting my mum, who is recovering from a stroke. She needs to practice talking. I’m sure we can help with that. And I’ll be writing a piece about sloths in literature and the value of idleness. Ahh. Idleness.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Screening of Miss Representation in Sydney
Paula, from the blog Questions For Women, has organised a screening of Miss Representation at Dendy Cinema at the Opera House. Mon 2 Sept at 6.30. $20.
I know lots of local feminists have been looking forward to seeing this film. I know I have. Just need to organise a babysitter.
http://questionsforwomen.org/2012/08/02/screening-of-miss-representation/
I know lots of local feminists have been looking forward to seeing this film. I know I have. Just need to organise a babysitter.
http://questionsforwomen.org/2012/08/02/screening-of-miss-representation/
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Dororthy Parker
Dorothy Parker and I shared a birthday yesterday, as we do very year. She and I are both Leo Snakes. Sometimes I think, if I hadn't had children, I would have ended up like her, drinking lots, considering my friends to be family, living with cats in a grubby apartment, thinking too much about my own dramas.
Bohemia
Authors and actors and artists and suchNever know nothing, and never know much.
Sculptors and singers and those of their kidney
Tell their affairs from Seattle to Sydney.
Playwrights and poets and such horses' necks
Start off from anywhere, end up at sex.
Diarists, critics, and similar roe
Never say nothing, and never say no.
People Who Do Things exceed my endurance;
God, for a man that solicits insurance!
I also love Mae West, another Leo Snake, who, at a time when women didn't do such things, created her own work, as a writer and performer. I've read her short novels, that the films and shows were based on, and they're good. Lots of insight into life during the 1920s - cross-racial relationships in Harlem, nightclubbing, criminals, slave trading (I mean trading women for into the sex industry). And, of course, she was arrested for profanity during her show, Sex, and was sentenced to ten days imprisonment for "corrupting the morals of youth." (just like Socrates) and she wrote about homosexuality. When her neighbours barred her boyfriend, an Afro-American boxer, from entering the apartment building, she simply bought the building. In her own way she was fighting discrimination and changing the world, and having lots of fun while earning lots of money.
Such sassy women! Literate, independent, gutsy and influential.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Dorothy Porter - mother poem
Lets have a few Dorothys this week (it's Dorothy Parker's birthday on Wednesday).
I was tempted to call my first born Dorothy. I then considered a diminutive, my grandmother's name, then settled on something that rhymes with that. Her name suits her. But I do like the Dorothys.
You know how books are being repurposed now? At the library I work at they have open books hanging from the ceiling like birds in flight. They have a big chair made of books and an archway at the entrance to the library. I'm a little sad that one of those repurposed books is a book by Dorothy Porter.
Motherhood - Dorothy Porter
No longer will she
flash
like Fantasia
across the sea floor
the giant octopus is dying
in her blue den
her clusters of eggs
swell like cysts
the giant octopus is dying
her moody vivid nervous system
shut down and dun
the giant octopus is dying
her tentacles wave
like drowned arms
her ink bubbles away
the giant octopus is dying
she’s got nothing left
her eggs took the lot.
I was tempted to call my first born Dorothy. I then considered a diminutive, my grandmother's name, then settled on something that rhymes with that. Her name suits her. But I do like the Dorothys.
You know how books are being repurposed now? At the library I work at they have open books hanging from the ceiling like birds in flight. They have a big chair made of books and an archway at the entrance to the library. I'm a little sad that one of those repurposed books is a book by Dorothy Porter.
Motherhood - Dorothy Porter
No longer will she
flash
like Fantasia
across the sea floor
the giant octopus is dying
in her blue den
her clusters of eggs
swell like cysts
the giant octopus is dying
her moody vivid nervous system
shut down and dun
the giant octopus is dying
her tentacles wave
like drowned arms
her ink bubbles away
the giant octopus is dying
she’s got nothing left
her eggs took the lot.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Doing more, having more, except more space.
I need help sorting out my stuff.
I have too many books and Matilda wants me to get rid of some. I have collections of books about maternal feminism, books about literature, novels I've read, novels (classics) I haven't read, poetry books, art books, other non-fiction books, a box of plays, and the children have books - novels and non-fiction and picture books. Since I've been studying this time around I have been accumulating books on education, and gathering books that will help me teach English and Drama. Since I've had the storytelling job I've been gathering books about storytelling using puppets and props. I've been using the picture books to inspire the storytelling job as well. And I've been using fabrics that I've kept stored for years. For my playgroup job I've been using the kids' cds that I've bought over the years. And for uni I've been using everything - artbooks, music, poetry. So, you see, it's hard to decide what to get rid of.
I want to do more of my own creative work too. I know that having the stuff around doesn't necessarily mean living more creatively, eg the barely used piano. It just means living in mess.
So, what books should I let go of? Everything that you could get from the library? Everything that is available digitally, even though we have no digital reading devices?
That's another thing I need to review. I've never had a mobile phone. The kids have never had a DS or an ipod. We don't have ipads, or e-readers anything like that. There are lots of reasons why (don't need other bills to pay, we don't need them, the way they are made - the sourcing of the elements and the worker's conditions, we don't want to do things just because everyone else is (lets talk to children about peer pressure; adults aren't exempt), the fact that when everyone was getting mobile phones I had my hands full dealing with little children and didn't have anyone to call anyway. Clancy likes that I don't have a mobile phone because she sees many mums on their phones ignoring their kids and sees this as sad for their relationships. There have been times we've sat down in a waiting room and each pulled out a book to read, and the people around us have been shocked. That shouldn't be so remarkable.
But another reason is that these devices would just be lost in the mess of our house.
I'm wondering at what point is not having these things kind of oppositional and obstructive. When every day of one week someone says to me 'I'll text you', or 'text me', and I say, 'Sorry, I can't'? So far, at times when a mobile phone would have been handy, I've just asked people for help (broken down car) and people have helped me. Most other times I see people using them it isn't for emergencies ('I'm just leaving Central station.' 'Do you want the blue one or the green?'). I've never heard anyone give instructions for an emergency tracheotomy using a mobile phone. But I do wonder if I might be more involved with my siblings and friends if I had a mobile, and I need to get on top of apps as learning tools, because technology is supposed to be embedded in all learning at schools now.
Also, it's time to fix up the children's bedroom. Matilda is starting high school next year and needs her own desk. She likes order and shares her room with two messy sisters. The girls have been saying that our house (old, rented, cracking walls and peeling paint) isn't as orderly and functional as the houses of their friends. True. They're wondering why we are the only family they know who have mismatched chairs at the dining table. Our furnishings have been pieced together with all the care of a student share house. They want some design elements. (Damn you, Grand Designs and renovation tv shows!) They'd like an anteroom to keep their bags and shoes and hats - that's not going to happen. Time to get a loft bed with a desk underneath, but we'd better paint the room first. That's a big job for us.
What to do? All advice welcome and seriously considered.
I have too many books and Matilda wants me to get rid of some. I have collections of books about maternal feminism, books about literature, novels I've read, novels (classics) I haven't read, poetry books, art books, other non-fiction books, a box of plays, and the children have books - novels and non-fiction and picture books. Since I've been studying this time around I have been accumulating books on education, and gathering books that will help me teach English and Drama. Since I've had the storytelling job I've been gathering books about storytelling using puppets and props. I've been using the picture books to inspire the storytelling job as well. And I've been using fabrics that I've kept stored for years. For my playgroup job I've been using the kids' cds that I've bought over the years. And for uni I've been using everything - artbooks, music, poetry. So, you see, it's hard to decide what to get rid of.
I want to do more of my own creative work too. I know that having the stuff around doesn't necessarily mean living more creatively, eg the barely used piano. It just means living in mess.
So, what books should I let go of? Everything that you could get from the library? Everything that is available digitally, even though we have no digital reading devices?
That's another thing I need to review. I've never had a mobile phone. The kids have never had a DS or an ipod. We don't have ipads, or e-readers anything like that. There are lots of reasons why (don't need other bills to pay, we don't need them, the way they are made - the sourcing of the elements and the worker's conditions, we don't want to do things just because everyone else is (lets talk to children about peer pressure; adults aren't exempt), the fact that when everyone was getting mobile phones I had my hands full dealing with little children and didn't have anyone to call anyway. Clancy likes that I don't have a mobile phone because she sees many mums on their phones ignoring their kids and sees this as sad for their relationships. There have been times we've sat down in a waiting room and each pulled out a book to read, and the people around us have been shocked. That shouldn't be so remarkable.
But another reason is that these devices would just be lost in the mess of our house.
I'm wondering at what point is not having these things kind of oppositional and obstructive. When every day of one week someone says to me 'I'll text you', or 'text me', and I say, 'Sorry, I can't'? So far, at times when a mobile phone would have been handy, I've just asked people for help (broken down car) and people have helped me. Most other times I see people using them it isn't for emergencies ('I'm just leaving Central station.' 'Do you want the blue one or the green?'). I've never heard anyone give instructions for an emergency tracheotomy using a mobile phone. But I do wonder if I might be more involved with my siblings and friends if I had a mobile, and I need to get on top of apps as learning tools, because technology is supposed to be embedded in all learning at schools now.
Also, it's time to fix up the children's bedroom. Matilda is starting high school next year and needs her own desk. She likes order and shares her room with two messy sisters. The girls have been saying that our house (old, rented, cracking walls and peeling paint) isn't as orderly and functional as the houses of their friends. True. They're wondering why we are the only family they know who have mismatched chairs at the dining table. Our furnishings have been pieced together with all the care of a student share house. They want some design elements. (Damn you, Grand Designs and renovation tv shows!) They'd like an anteroom to keep their bags and shoes and hats - that's not going to happen. Time to get a loft bed with a desk underneath, but we'd better paint the room first. That's a big job for us.
What to do? All advice welcome and seriously considered.
Dorothy Hewett - mother poem
At the moment for uni I'm looking at Australian Theatre and doing an assignment on Dorothy Hewett's The Chapel Perilous. We have a number of plays to choose from (the ones prescribed for HSC Drama) and I'm a little embarrassed by how obvious my choice is.
Anyway, I thought it would be a good time to begin posting the motherhood poems I'd collected for Mamapalooza. (Remember I said I'd park those here?)
So here we go, beginning with a poem by Dorothy Hewett.
Tapestry - Dorothy Hewett
There is a lady in the forest
with a pointed headdress
on a carpet of leaves between the lion and the unicorn
and the emblematic trees.
What meaning has she (if any)
something to do with a perpetual
virginity forever untried
something to do
with the calm and gentle
lives of women
between the lion and the unicorn
one to devour one to love.
Anyway, I thought it would be a good time to begin posting the motherhood poems I'd collected for Mamapalooza. (Remember I said I'd park those here?)
So here we go, beginning with a poem by Dorothy Hewett.
Tapestry - Dorothy Hewett
There is a lady in the forest
with a pointed headdress
on a carpet of leaves between the lion and the unicorn
and the emblematic trees.
What meaning has she (if any)
something to do with a perpetual
virginity forever untried
something to do
with the calm and gentle
lives of women
between the lion and the unicorn
one to devour one to love.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Women are Heroes
I'd read about this book in The Guardian Weekly. An urban activist called JR has collected stories from women in developing countries about their lives, and taken close up photographs of their faces - they're often pulling silly faces. He has displayed these photographs in public spaces in their communities.
It's a celebration of women. A joyous celebration.
Click on the link to read a review with examples of the photographs and click on the video.
This is what good work looks like.
http://www.redbubble.com/people/redbubble/journal/9227271-book-review-women-are-heroes-by-jr?utm_source=bubblewrap&utm_medium=email&utm_term=Story2&utm_campaign=BubbleWrap_august_2012
It's a celebration of women. A joyous celebration.
Click on the link to read a review with examples of the photographs and click on the video.
This is what good work looks like.
http://www.redbubble.com/people/redbubble/journal/9227271-book-review-women-are-heroes-by-jr?utm_source=bubblewrap&utm_medium=email&utm_term=Story2&utm_campaign=BubbleWrap_august_2012
Saturday, August 04, 2012
Jessie Street - what year is this?
As part of my study I've been looking at Jessie Street's speech she made on radio in 1944. Her speech was made near the end of the war, about the place of women. It is entitled "Is it to be Back to the Kitchen?"
Have a read (it isn't very long) and count how many issues are still relevant, unresolved, today in 2012.
Jessie Street
‘Is It To Be Back to the Kitchen?’
Broadcast on ABC Radio’s National Program
17 April 1944
There is a good deal of talk just now about what they are going to do after the war with the women: Must they be made to return to the home? Are they going to take them out of the factory, the office, off the land?
To me, this sort of discussion is very disquieting. It makes me think we’ve already forgotten the reasons why we’re fighting this war. Aren’t we fighting for liberty, for democracy and to eradicate fascism and Nazism in every form? Surely we don’t mean liberty and democracy for men only? Indeed, I hope women will enjoy the liberty which they have helped to win and be permitted to choose what they want to do. Do you remember that one of the first things the Nazis did when they came to power was to put women out of the professions, out of the factories? They barred the doors of the universities to all but a few women and they severely limited women’s opportunities for any kind of higher education; by these methods the Nazis forced women back to the home – back to the kitchen. I can’t help thinking that if any attempt is made here after the war to force women back to the home, it will be proof that facism still has strong roots in Australia.
Women should not be forced to return to the home, but they should be free to return there if they wish to. I don’t like what’s implied in the suggestion that women will have to he forced back into the home – that’s a slight not only on home life, but also on the work of bearing and rearing children, don’t you agree? The greatest happiness for many women is to care for a home and to raise a family. The trouble in the past has been that society has failed to make it possible for all the women who wanted to have homes and raise families to do so.
And while we’re on the subject of women in the home, I think that this life could be made attractive to many more women by developing amenities and customs that render home less of a prison than it is to many women with young families. Just think of the prospects of family life, as lived under present conditions, to a clever, energetic, bright young girl. Soon after marriage there will be a baby, and from then on she cannot move unencumbered. The more babies, the harder she has to work and the greater her restrictions. If we want more women to choose home life, we must make home life less hard. But how can we do this? Well, we can have crËches and kindergartens and supervised playgrounds where children can be left in safe surroundings. Then we must change many of our conventions. Why should a woman do all the work in the home? Why can’t we, for example, have community kitchens and laundries? If a woman wants to work outside the home, why shouldn’t she? Let her be free to choose. There’s just as much and more reason to believe that the best interests of her family and of society will be served by giving a woman a free choice than by expecting her to adhere to a lot of worn-out conventions.
Anyway, the contribution that women can make to public life through the professions or in industry is important. Women in the past have been very much hampered by their inexperience in these spheres. They haven’t had the opportunity to qualify for representative positions or positions of control and direction. In other words, because of the lack of opportunity to gain experience they’re denied the opportunity of exerting any influence in framing policies or directing public affairs.
I am pretty sure that many women will remain in industry after the war, for we shall be in need of more skilled hands rather than less. Remember, we couldn’t exert a full war effort until women were absorbed into industry; therefore, how can we exert a full peace program without making use of their services? Everyone knows how short we are of houses and hospitals and offices, of furniture, of bathroom and kitchen fittings, of curtains, wallpaper, clothing, foodstuffs, in fact, hundreds of commodities. Can you imagine the tremendous amount of work that will be required? Not only have we to make up the deficiency of the war years, but we must provide all these amenities on a much larger scale after the war. There were large numbers of people before the war who had no homes, not even enough to eat; hospital accommodation was inadequate, and so on. Although all these could have been provided for a few million pounds, we believed we could not afford to better these conditions. It took a total war to show us what we could do with our own resources. If we can raise money for war we can raise it for peace, surely. It would be inexcusable in the future to condemn people to live under the conditions so many endured before the war.
Why is there so much opposition to women remaining in industry? The secret isn’t far to seek. It’s simply that they got paid less – they are cheap labour, certainly not, as so many have alleged, because they’re weaker or less efficient. Unfortunately, because their labour is cheaper, women not only threaten the wage standards of men workers, but they also threaten the standard of living of all workers. The obvious and just way to avoid this is to give equal pay to men and women.
To put this in a nutshell, I believe that in a democratic, free society women should be at liberty to choose whether they will take up home life or work outside the home; that men and women should receive equal pay and equal opportunity; that home life should be made less of a tie and the burden of raising a family be lightened. If we can face these peacetime problems with the spirit of determination and conciliation with which we’re facing our war problems, we may hope to solve them.
Have a read (it isn't very long) and count how many issues are still relevant, unresolved, today in 2012.
Jessie Street
‘Is It To Be Back to the Kitchen?’
Broadcast on ABC Radio’s National Program
17 April 1944
There is a good deal of talk just now about what they are going to do after the war with the women: Must they be made to return to the home? Are they going to take them out of the factory, the office, off the land?
To me, this sort of discussion is very disquieting. It makes me think we’ve already forgotten the reasons why we’re fighting this war. Aren’t we fighting for liberty, for democracy and to eradicate fascism and Nazism in every form? Surely we don’t mean liberty and democracy for men only? Indeed, I hope women will enjoy the liberty which they have helped to win and be permitted to choose what they want to do. Do you remember that one of the first things the Nazis did when they came to power was to put women out of the professions, out of the factories? They barred the doors of the universities to all but a few women and they severely limited women’s opportunities for any kind of higher education; by these methods the Nazis forced women back to the home – back to the kitchen. I can’t help thinking that if any attempt is made here after the war to force women back to the home, it will be proof that facism still has strong roots in Australia.
Women should not be forced to return to the home, but they should be free to return there if they wish to. I don’t like what’s implied in the suggestion that women will have to he forced back into the home – that’s a slight not only on home life, but also on the work of bearing and rearing children, don’t you agree? The greatest happiness for many women is to care for a home and to raise a family. The trouble in the past has been that society has failed to make it possible for all the women who wanted to have homes and raise families to do so.
And while we’re on the subject of women in the home, I think that this life could be made attractive to many more women by developing amenities and customs that render home less of a prison than it is to many women with young families. Just think of the prospects of family life, as lived under present conditions, to a clever, energetic, bright young girl. Soon after marriage there will be a baby, and from then on she cannot move unencumbered. The more babies, the harder she has to work and the greater her restrictions. If we want more women to choose home life, we must make home life less hard. But how can we do this? Well, we can have crËches and kindergartens and supervised playgrounds where children can be left in safe surroundings. Then we must change many of our conventions. Why should a woman do all the work in the home? Why can’t we, for example, have community kitchens and laundries? If a woman wants to work outside the home, why shouldn’t she? Let her be free to choose. There’s just as much and more reason to believe that the best interests of her family and of society will be served by giving a woman a free choice than by expecting her to adhere to a lot of worn-out conventions.
Anyway, the contribution that women can make to public life through the professions or in industry is important. Women in the past have been very much hampered by their inexperience in these spheres. They haven’t had the opportunity to qualify for representative positions or positions of control and direction. In other words, because of the lack of opportunity to gain experience they’re denied the opportunity of exerting any influence in framing policies or directing public affairs.
I am pretty sure that many women will remain in industry after the war, for we shall be in need of more skilled hands rather than less. Remember, we couldn’t exert a full war effort until women were absorbed into industry; therefore, how can we exert a full peace program without making use of their services? Everyone knows how short we are of houses and hospitals and offices, of furniture, of bathroom and kitchen fittings, of curtains, wallpaper, clothing, foodstuffs, in fact, hundreds of commodities. Can you imagine the tremendous amount of work that will be required? Not only have we to make up the deficiency of the war years, but we must provide all these amenities on a much larger scale after the war. There were large numbers of people before the war who had no homes, not even enough to eat; hospital accommodation was inadequate, and so on. Although all these could have been provided for a few million pounds, we believed we could not afford to better these conditions. It took a total war to show us what we could do with our own resources. If we can raise money for war we can raise it for peace, surely. It would be inexcusable in the future to condemn people to live under the conditions so many endured before the war.
Why is there so much opposition to women remaining in industry? The secret isn’t far to seek. It’s simply that they got paid less – they are cheap labour, certainly not, as so many have alleged, because they’re weaker or less efficient. Unfortunately, because their labour is cheaper, women not only threaten the wage standards of men workers, but they also threaten the standard of living of all workers. The obvious and just way to avoid this is to give equal pay to men and women.
To put this in a nutshell, I believe that in a democratic, free society women should be at liberty to choose whether they will take up home life or work outside the home; that men and women should receive equal pay and equal opportunity; that home life should be made less of a tie and the burden of raising a family be lightened. If we can face these peacetime problems with the spirit of determination and conciliation with which we’re facing our war problems, we may hope to solve them.
TV. Woe is me
If you were studying gender as portrayed by tv you’d be kept very busy.
In about 10 minutes of tv viewing yesterday morning I saw that a children’s morning show is being divided into girls shows and boys shows. Just what we don’t need.
And I saw an ad for the new series of Farmer Wants a Wife. Could be renamed ‘Women Fighting Women They Don’t Know to Win a A Man They Don’t Know’. Wow. Doesn’t take a genius to unpack the messages there.
And Underbelly. The new series is called Underbelly Badness. Surely this is a joke. A ten year old boy could have come up with something better. The name indicates they have run out of ideas and given up. It gives no indication about the time and place the show is set in, only that the show is garbage.
Seriously, who are these people making decisions about tv programming? Did they do no critical thinking at school? Are they all happy with their work and the way they contribute to our culture? Anybody keen to step in and create change from within??
In about 10 minutes of tv viewing yesterday morning I saw that a children’s morning show is being divided into girls shows and boys shows. Just what we don’t need.
And I saw an ad for the new series of Farmer Wants a Wife. Could be renamed ‘Women Fighting Women They Don’t Know to Win a A Man They Don’t Know’. Wow. Doesn’t take a genius to unpack the messages there.
And Underbelly. The new series is called Underbelly Badness. Surely this is a joke. A ten year old boy could have come up with something better. The name indicates they have run out of ideas and given up. It gives no indication about the time and place the show is set in, only that the show is garbage.
Seriously, who are these people making decisions about tv programming? Did they do no critical thinking at school? Are they all happy with their work and the way they contribute to our culture? Anybody keen to step in and create change from within??
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Festival of Dangerous Ideas 2012
Have you seen the list of events for this year's Festival of Dangerous Ideas at the Sydney Opera House.
There are some I'm interested in going to, and if you'd like to come with me, let me know so we can book tickets this week.
On Sat 29th Sept:
How Many Dangerous Idea Can One Person Have? - Germaine Greer
Abolish Private School (the Finnish model of education) - Pasi Sahlberg & panel
The Delusion of Free Will - Sam Harris
On Sun 30th Sept:
All Women Hate Each Other - Germaine Greer, Eva Cox, Tara Moss
If Mother Nature Could Sue: Wild Law and the Rights of Nature - Cormac Cullinan
You are Being Greenwashed - Guy Pearse
Also, there is a talk by John Ralston Saul called It's Broke: How Can We Fix It? It's scheduled for 26 August. I might go to that one too.
I think I'd rather go to a good talk than any other type of entertainment at the moment. Or is it just that too much of the entertainment I attend is directed at children?
There are some I'm interested in going to, and if you'd like to come with me, let me know so we can book tickets this week.
On Sat 29th Sept:
How Many Dangerous Idea Can One Person Have? - Germaine Greer
Abolish Private School (the Finnish model of education) - Pasi Sahlberg & panel
The Delusion of Free Will - Sam Harris
On Sun 30th Sept:
All Women Hate Each Other - Germaine Greer, Eva Cox, Tara Moss
If Mother Nature Could Sue: Wild Law and the Rights of Nature - Cormac Cullinan
You are Being Greenwashed - Guy Pearse
Also, there is a talk by John Ralston Saul called It's Broke: How Can We Fix It? It's scheduled for 26 August. I might go to that one too.
I think I'd rather go to a good talk than any other type of entertainment at the moment. Or is it just that too much of the entertainment I attend is directed at children?
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Normalising the Language of the Sex Industry
Have you noticed the language of the sex industry had filtered down to everyday life. Anything now can be described as hardcore. Sport. Music.
And now this. ABC3 has a game for children called 'Pimp Scotty's Van'. Yes, I know pimp can be used as a verb, but used as a verb for a children's game? Not good.
http://www.abc.net.au/abc3/games/game.html?id=3475094
Who do I write to?
And now this. ABC3 has a game for children called 'Pimp Scotty's Van'. Yes, I know pimp can be used as a verb, but used as a verb for a children's game? Not good.
http://www.abc.net.au/abc3/games/game.html?id=3475094
Who do I write to?
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Parent Envy
Two people close to me have recently told me they envy me for having children.
Well, one says he envies me, and the other says she’s upset that my child, years ago, when my child was about four, pointed out that she didn’t have children, which hurt her feelings, because she doesn’t have children. Neither of these people who are close to me visit me regularly. They don’t spend much time with me and my kids.
The one who was offended said, years ago, when invited over, that she spends her working days with small children, and doesn’t want to be with them in her own time. Fair enough. Of course, she could have had a child on her own if she really wanted to. She doesn’t spend time with us because her feelings were hurt by an offhand remark by a preschooler.
My other friend, the male, has pursued a career in the creative arts, and his relationships haven’t produced any children, even though he has always wanted to have kids of his own. He may yet have children. It’s not too late.
Here’s what I don’t get. Since I’ve had kids most of my friends have stayed away in droves. I’ve made new friends in the neighbourhood, friends who have kids. My friends who don’t have kids are living a life of freedom, relationships, work, holidays, parties, outings, and it all looks pretty good from the outside. No-one from my family or old friends have ever taken my children on an outing. The only person who have ever taken a child out is my ex-neighbour, a single woman, who has taken each child in turn on a daytrip to visit her friends who live on an island in the Hawkesbury River. No member of my family, nor an old friend has ever had my kids stay overnight. They’ve never come to a child performance. Old friends and family members have never offered to take the kids for me because I have an essay to write or an exam to study for. My partner and I know that we’re on our own, and if we want to call on help, we ask local parents for help. That’s why I started the babysitting club.
To tell the truth there have been a few times when I’ve really needed help. When I’ve given birth. It was difficult to find someone to look after my children so I could have a baby. I had to inconvenience someone, who came over, even though she didn’t want to, even though she was on holidays, to look after my kids so I could give birth. When we moved house with three small children. We needed to return to the old house to clean it the next day, and I asked a number of people to come over and mind the kids. Most said no. Even though they had nothing else on. Some said they needed to rest on the weekend. We were exhausted after moving house and hadn’t begun setting up the new house, and had to clean the old house on our own. But they needed their weekend to rest. Thanks to the old friend, who I hardly see, who came through for us. And one time when I was sick. An old friend came over to look after the kids during the day. That’s it. It’s hard to find people to help us. I did once ask a friend of my partners' for help. He did help, but his wife disapproved and I haven't seen them since.
Why aren’t people without kids spending time with us? If I was single, and didn’t have kids, I would want to have relationships with the kids who could be in my life, and take them places and have them over, and attend their events, and enjoy being with them and watching them grow. I know there are children who have aunties and uncles and family friends who are involved in their lives. but those children aren’t my children. My children just have their parents, and maybe their friends’ parents. I really appreciate their friends’ parents being involved in their care.
So, when people say they envy me for having children, should I take it with a grain of salt? Because if they really think my kids are cool, and smart, and interesting and fun to be with, wouldn’t they actually make an effort to be with them?
Well, one says he envies me, and the other says she’s upset that my child, years ago, when my child was about four, pointed out that she didn’t have children, which hurt her feelings, because she doesn’t have children. Neither of these people who are close to me visit me regularly. They don’t spend much time with me and my kids.
The one who was offended said, years ago, when invited over, that she spends her working days with small children, and doesn’t want to be with them in her own time. Fair enough. Of course, she could have had a child on her own if she really wanted to. She doesn’t spend time with us because her feelings were hurt by an offhand remark by a preschooler.
My other friend, the male, has pursued a career in the creative arts, and his relationships haven’t produced any children, even though he has always wanted to have kids of his own. He may yet have children. It’s not too late.
Here’s what I don’t get. Since I’ve had kids most of my friends have stayed away in droves. I’ve made new friends in the neighbourhood, friends who have kids. My friends who don’t have kids are living a life of freedom, relationships, work, holidays, parties, outings, and it all looks pretty good from the outside. No-one from my family or old friends have ever taken my children on an outing. The only person who have ever taken a child out is my ex-neighbour, a single woman, who has taken each child in turn on a daytrip to visit her friends who live on an island in the Hawkesbury River. No member of my family, nor an old friend has ever had my kids stay overnight. They’ve never come to a child performance. Old friends and family members have never offered to take the kids for me because I have an essay to write or an exam to study for. My partner and I know that we’re on our own, and if we want to call on help, we ask local parents for help. That’s why I started the babysitting club.
To tell the truth there have been a few times when I’ve really needed help. When I’ve given birth. It was difficult to find someone to look after my children so I could have a baby. I had to inconvenience someone, who came over, even though she didn’t want to, even though she was on holidays, to look after my kids so I could give birth. When we moved house with three small children. We needed to return to the old house to clean it the next day, and I asked a number of people to come over and mind the kids. Most said no. Even though they had nothing else on. Some said they needed to rest on the weekend. We were exhausted after moving house and hadn’t begun setting up the new house, and had to clean the old house on our own. But they needed their weekend to rest. Thanks to the old friend, who I hardly see, who came through for us. And one time when I was sick. An old friend came over to look after the kids during the day. That’s it. It’s hard to find people to help us. I did once ask a friend of my partners' for help. He did help, but his wife disapproved and I haven't seen them since.
Why aren’t people without kids spending time with us? If I was single, and didn’t have kids, I would want to have relationships with the kids who could be in my life, and take them places and have them over, and attend their events, and enjoy being with them and watching them grow. I know there are children who have aunties and uncles and family friends who are involved in their lives. but those children aren’t my children. My children just have their parents, and maybe their friends’ parents. I really appreciate their friends’ parents being involved in their care.
So, when people say they envy me for having children, should I take it with a grain of salt? Because if they really think my kids are cool, and smart, and interesting and fun to be with, wouldn’t they actually make an effort to be with them?
Friday, July 20, 2012
50 Shades of Grey - this review made me LOL
I won't be reading the book. I don't like repetitive descriptions, a la Twilight, and I have many other books to read as higher priorities, but I do congratualate the author. Good on you. Enjoy your success. There's room in the world for many types of writing, music, art. Obviously.
If you aren't sick of reading about the book already, here is a review which made me LOL. It's clever, and, it moves! Enjoy.
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/340987215
If you aren't sick of reading about the book already, here is a review which made me LOL. It's clever, and, it moves! Enjoy.
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/340987215
Bogan Bashing on TV
I’m quite perplexed by these tv shows.
Have you seen the tv ad for Big Brother on Channel Nine? The show is positioning itself as an anti-bogan show. The show is going to be hosted by Sonia Kruger. She’s been on tv quite a lot, mostly in designer gowns, as far as I’ve seen, so I’m not pegging her a natural beauty kind of gal, although it would be hard to tell. Classy? That’s what I’m supposed to think of her. I’m not buying. In the tv ad she’s wearing what looks like vinyl tights. Her hair is dyed. She’s wearing makeup. She’s waxed and she looks like she works out. Not exactly a freewheeling bohemian type. The distance between her and the bogans who are denied entry is pretty small. Different hairstyle. Different dancestyle. Covering her midriff on this occasion. The difference in style is just a matter of degree.
Channel Nine is the station that airs Two and Half Men, Funniest Home Videos and Underbelly, so it’s hardly the pinnacle of high culture. Hmm. Are they insulting their audience?
The same with Snog Marry Avoid. The host is disparaging to the over-groomed guests on the show, asking that they tone down their looks to look more like her. But she’s no natural beauty either (well she could be but we’ll never know). Her hair is dyed, she is skinny, wears makeup, wears fashionable clothes, and is meant to be the example of proper, acceptable style. Again, it is just a matter of degree.
And now, The Shire, which I haven’t seen. Another show in this trend of bogan-bashing.
So, we want women on tv to look good, to be clear about caring about how they look, but to look like they’re not trying too hard. We couldn’t have a plain or unfashionable or overweight or un-groomed (waxed, dyed, buffed, tightened, botoxed) woman on tv. Grooming now is more than just cleaning your teeth and brushing your hair. It’s a commitment that requires time and money. But we don’t want women who are overdone, by certain standards. Even though there are lot of women in our culture who do spend a lot of time on their appearance, even if they don’t need to.
Are we really so smug and self-satisfied that we enjoy making fun of people we consider below us due to their fashion choices? Or is this coming from insecurity? Do we see that we are only one step away from being ’bogans’ ourselves. Nearly everyone can afford new clothes, hair dye, manicures, electronic gadgets, mobile phones, flatscreen tvs and dvd players, and a playstation/ds for their children. People of all classes have tattoos and piercings. It’s getting harder to tell the classes apart. So we need tv for do it for us.
The working class now have access to the goods and services once only available to the middle class, but they’re getting it wrong (by middle class standards), and we’re laughing at them for their aspirations. They’ll never be middle class. Fools for trying. That’s the attitude.
What would be really edgy and interesting would be a show that depicts the people I will no longer refer to as bogans (we used to call them ‘westies’) because that’s what these shows want me to call them, as people who are resourceful and witty, subtle and sophisticated, who have deep relationships, and how working class culture (is that what it is?) is a culture that is valid in its own right. We look at cultures from other countries and communities with respect. We legislate against discrimination on the basis of cultural background, but we currently have no respect for white working class culture.
What do you think is going on here?
* Written whilst wearing my ugg boots.
Have you seen the tv ad for Big Brother on Channel Nine? The show is positioning itself as an anti-bogan show. The show is going to be hosted by Sonia Kruger. She’s been on tv quite a lot, mostly in designer gowns, as far as I’ve seen, so I’m not pegging her a natural beauty kind of gal, although it would be hard to tell. Classy? That’s what I’m supposed to think of her. I’m not buying. In the tv ad she’s wearing what looks like vinyl tights. Her hair is dyed. She’s wearing makeup. She’s waxed and she looks like she works out. Not exactly a freewheeling bohemian type. The distance between her and the bogans who are denied entry is pretty small. Different hairstyle. Different dancestyle. Covering her midriff on this occasion. The difference in style is just a matter of degree.
Channel Nine is the station that airs Two and Half Men, Funniest Home Videos and Underbelly, so it’s hardly the pinnacle of high culture. Hmm. Are they insulting their audience?
The same with Snog Marry Avoid. The host is disparaging to the over-groomed guests on the show, asking that they tone down their looks to look more like her. But she’s no natural beauty either (well she could be but we’ll never know). Her hair is dyed, she is skinny, wears makeup, wears fashionable clothes, and is meant to be the example of proper, acceptable style. Again, it is just a matter of degree.
And now, The Shire, which I haven’t seen. Another show in this trend of bogan-bashing.
So, we want women on tv to look good, to be clear about caring about how they look, but to look like they’re not trying too hard. We couldn’t have a plain or unfashionable or overweight or un-groomed (waxed, dyed, buffed, tightened, botoxed) woman on tv. Grooming now is more than just cleaning your teeth and brushing your hair. It’s a commitment that requires time and money. But we don’t want women who are overdone, by certain standards. Even though there are lot of women in our culture who do spend a lot of time on their appearance, even if they don’t need to.
Are we really so smug and self-satisfied that we enjoy making fun of people we consider below us due to their fashion choices? Or is this coming from insecurity? Do we see that we are only one step away from being ’bogans’ ourselves. Nearly everyone can afford new clothes, hair dye, manicures, electronic gadgets, mobile phones, flatscreen tvs and dvd players, and a playstation/ds for their children. People of all classes have tattoos and piercings. It’s getting harder to tell the classes apart. So we need tv for do it for us.
The working class now have access to the goods and services once only available to the middle class, but they’re getting it wrong (by middle class standards), and we’re laughing at them for their aspirations. They’ll never be middle class. Fools for trying. That’s the attitude.
What would be really edgy and interesting would be a show that depicts the people I will no longer refer to as bogans (we used to call them ‘westies’) because that’s what these shows want me to call them, as people who are resourceful and witty, subtle and sophisticated, who have deep relationships, and how working class culture (is that what it is?) is a culture that is valid in its own right. We look at cultures from other countries and communities with respect. We legislate against discrimination on the basis of cultural background, but we currently have no respect for white working class culture.
What do you think is going on here?
* Written whilst wearing my ugg boots.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Intensive Mothering - call for papers.
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Saturday, July 14, 2012
Let Them Be Bored
Stuvac.
A study vacation. That’s what I’ve been on. Happy to sleep in most
mornings. Reading for uni and working on assignments in the gaps of each
day - the gaps are between appointments for children’s health. And
getting there! After beginning the holiday, and the trimester, feeling
like it was all impossible, I’m travelling ok. I get it. I know what to
do and I’m doing it.
In the meantime, the children. They’ve spent lots of days in their pyjamas and watched lots of tv. We’d had slow days, quiet days, hanging out at home days.
‘Let them be bored’, I say. I’m a fan of children being bored, for lots of reasons.
Famous people were bored when they were children. Not just bored but forced into boredom by illness. Joni Mitchell and Neil Young suffered polio when they were children. This meant a long time lying in bed. For Joni, she said it forged in her the determination to be an artist. It’s when she started singing. Tom Jones was diagnosed with tuberculosis at age 12. He spent two years recovering, listening to the radio and drawing. Patti Smith had a childhood full of illness: bronchitis, tuberculosis, scarlet fever, three different kinds of measles. That’s a lot of time in bed, doing, not much. Now, I’m not suggesting that being sick has a major upside. I’m just saying that boredom turns people on to creative solutions.
Boredom doesn’t disappear when you grow up, so you’d better get used to it.
The more you put into something, the more you get out of it. If you are bored, you need to find a way to engage more with what you’re doing. Whether it’s cooking. cleaning, studying, work or relationships. And that’s about mental discipline, making meaningful connections and creativity. The sooner children learn that the better.
As my Masters supervisor used to say to me, and I say to my children, after boredom comes discovery. Boredom is part of the process, and gives you a kick up the bum to do something really interesting.
So, during the holidays the children have been reading, playing in the backyard, playing board games and card games, singing and dancing. They’ve been having a fine holiday while their mother studies.
In the meantime, the children. They’ve spent lots of days in their pyjamas and watched lots of tv. We’d had slow days, quiet days, hanging out at home days.
‘Let them be bored’, I say. I’m a fan of children being bored, for lots of reasons.
Famous people were bored when they were children. Not just bored but forced into boredom by illness. Joni Mitchell and Neil Young suffered polio when they were children. This meant a long time lying in bed. For Joni, she said it forged in her the determination to be an artist. It’s when she started singing. Tom Jones was diagnosed with tuberculosis at age 12. He spent two years recovering, listening to the radio and drawing. Patti Smith had a childhood full of illness: bronchitis, tuberculosis, scarlet fever, three different kinds of measles. That’s a lot of time in bed, doing, not much. Now, I’m not suggesting that being sick has a major upside. I’m just saying that boredom turns people on to creative solutions.
Boredom doesn’t disappear when you grow up, so you’d better get used to it.
The more you put into something, the more you get out of it. If you are bored, you need to find a way to engage more with what you’re doing. Whether it’s cooking. cleaning, studying, work or relationships. And that’s about mental discipline, making meaningful connections and creativity. The sooner children learn that the better.
As my Masters supervisor used to say to me, and I say to my children, after boredom comes discovery. Boredom is part of the process, and gives you a kick up the bum to do something really interesting.
So, during the holidays the children have been reading, playing in the backyard, playing board games and card games, singing and dancing. They’ve been having a fine holiday while their mother studies.
Choices within structures and not ‘having it all’.
For
the past twelve years I’ve been a stay at home mum. As a woman who
identified as feminist before leaving school, it was never part of my
plan to be financially dependent on a man, but I have been for long
time, and that man has been a ‘good provider’.
Recently my partner has had to find another job. During that transition time, my old job, that I was happy doing before I had children, was advertised. I thought about it. I liked that job and I know I can do it. It like the people I worked with and it is a job that is worth doing - in a non-profit educational area. Of course, my partner could run the household and look after the kids while I work full time, but we would expect him to find full time work sooner or later, and then what?
When we considered me working full time, as well as my partner, through school holidays, and all the implications of that for the family, it just wouldn’t be worth it. The consequences include the children's’ before and after school activities being squashed into the weekend and the expense of transferring to more expensive forms of instruction. The expense of before and after school care. The expense of vacation care, in whatever form that may take, as we don’t have any family members who could help us. The expense of transport to and from work. The expense of a work wardrobe. It would mean other people would need to be found to replace the jobs I do now, paid and voluntary. It would mean I’m removed from my community. And it would mean less time. Less time to cook cheap meals and ensure that clothes are clean. Less time with the children. Less time for the children to relax. Less time for me to relax. We would live in a mad panic and everyone would be unhappy.
So we decided to stick to the current plan. I become a teacher. It really is the only job I could do that fits with our family.
So, what about ‘having it all?’
Well, it’s a phrase in regard to feminism that I wish we would retire. Of course, no-one can have ‘it all’ all the time, and what is ‘it all’ anyway? Is it just greed? Here’s Rebecca Traister.
We know that most mothers move in and out of phases in regard to work and caring for children. Anne-Marie Slaughter has agreed to stop saying ‘having it all’ and also suggests were retire ‘mommy wars’, and ’mommy track’. She’s rewritten the title of the piece as Why Working Mothers Need Better Choices to Be Able to Stay in the Pool and Make It to the Top. What she has learned following the debate she sparked is here:
http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/07/the-having-it-all-debate-convinced-me-to-stop-saying-having-it-all/259284/
The good part of the recent attention to the issues raised by the article in The Atlantic by Anne-Marie Slaughter is the focus on structures. Of course, people make decisions within structures. Structures around gender expectations, work and care responsibilities, structures around communities and economies. These structures are socially and politically created and can be changed.
Amy Walburn has written a piece saying we need to realise that the educated career women in western societies outsource domestic and care tasks to poorer women, who have fewer choices, and in developing countries many women leave their families to work for rich families. For many women it isn’t a question of ‘having it all’, but mere survival.
http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/07/the-having-it-all-debate-should-include-women-who-have-nothing/259382/
As part of my study I’ve been reading the speeches set for study in HSC English. Included is the piece by Jessie Street, made on radio in 1944, where she argues that women shouldn’t be forced back to the kitchen after the war. That fighting for freedom includes the freedom for women to work if they want to. She argues that we need to make family life less hard for women. And that we need equal pay for equal work.
The world moves very slowly.
Recently my partner has had to find another job. During that transition time, my old job, that I was happy doing before I had children, was advertised. I thought about it. I liked that job and I know I can do it. It like the people I worked with and it is a job that is worth doing - in a non-profit educational area. Of course, my partner could run the household and look after the kids while I work full time, but we would expect him to find full time work sooner or later, and then what?
When we considered me working full time, as well as my partner, through school holidays, and all the implications of that for the family, it just wouldn’t be worth it. The consequences include the children's’ before and after school activities being squashed into the weekend and the expense of transferring to more expensive forms of instruction. The expense of before and after school care. The expense of vacation care, in whatever form that may take, as we don’t have any family members who could help us. The expense of transport to and from work. The expense of a work wardrobe. It would mean other people would need to be found to replace the jobs I do now, paid and voluntary. It would mean I’m removed from my community. And it would mean less time. Less time to cook cheap meals and ensure that clothes are clean. Less time with the children. Less time for the children to relax. Less time for me to relax. We would live in a mad panic and everyone would be unhappy.
So we decided to stick to the current plan. I become a teacher. It really is the only job I could do that fits with our family.
So, what about ‘having it all?’
Well, it’s a phrase in regard to feminism that I wish we would retire. Of course, no-one can have ‘it all’ all the time, and what is ‘it all’ anyway? Is it just greed? Here’s Rebecca Traister.
Here
is what is wrong, what has always been wrong, with equating feminist
success with "having it all": It's a misrepresentation of a
revolutionary social movement. The notion that female achievement should
be measured by women's ability to "have it all" recasts a righteous
struggle for greater political, economic, social, sexual and political
parity as a piggy and acquisitive project.
What
does "having it all" even mean? Affordable childcare or a nanny who
speaks Mandarin? Decent school lunches or organic string cheese? A
windowed office or a higher minimum wage? Public transportation that
reliably gets you to work or a driver who will whisk you from
kindergarten dropoff in time for the board meeting? Does it mean never
feeling stress or guilt? Does it mean feeling satisfied all the time?
It
is a trap, a setup for inevitable feminist short-fall. Irresponsibly
conflating liberation with satisfaction, the "have it all" formulation
sets an impossible bar for female success and then ensures that when
women fail to clear it, it's feminism - as opposed to persistent gender
inequity - that's to blame.
We know that most mothers move in and out of phases in regard to work and caring for children. Anne-Marie Slaughter has agreed to stop saying ‘having it all’ and also suggests were retire ‘mommy wars’, and ’mommy track’. She’s rewritten the title of the piece as Why Working Mothers Need Better Choices to Be Able to Stay in the Pool and Make It to the Top. What she has learned following the debate she sparked is here:
http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/07/the-having-it-all-debate-convinced-me-to-stop-saying-having-it-all/259284/
The good part of the recent attention to the issues raised by the article in The Atlantic by Anne-Marie Slaughter is the focus on structures. Of course, people make decisions within structures. Structures around gender expectations, work and care responsibilities, structures around communities and economies. These structures are socially and politically created and can be changed.
Amy Walburn has written a piece saying we need to realise that the educated career women in western societies outsource domestic and care tasks to poorer women, who have fewer choices, and in developing countries many women leave their families to work for rich families. For many women it isn’t a question of ‘having it all’, but mere survival.
http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/07/the-having-it-all-debate-should-include-women-who-have-nothing/259382/
As part of my study I’ve been reading the speeches set for study in HSC English. Included is the piece by Jessie Street, made on radio in 1944, where she argues that women shouldn’t be forced back to the kitchen after the war. That fighting for freedom includes the freedom for women to work if they want to. She argues that we need to make family life less hard for women. And that we need equal pay for equal work.
The world moves very slowly.
Sunday, July 08, 2012
Have you seen the Toy Sale Catalogues??
KMart has pictures of girls playing with boys' toys. No boys playing with girls' toys, but it's a start. Yay!
Target has few children in their catalogue, so hard to judge. But Big W is more segregated than ever. Parts of the catalogue are labelled Girls Toy and Boys Toys, so not a lot of gender integration there. The most radical representation they include is a girl wearing a Skylanders T shirt. Boo!
I've been looking thorough them because it is Banjo's birthday this week, and I've organised nothing for her, except giving a large amount of money to the orthodontist. She's turning eight, and I'm glad she's still interested in baby dolls. I don't want her to grow up too quickly.
The amount of toys that have come through our house and out to the op shops just makes my head spin, so I need to be careful and cautious. I'm tempted to change the batteries of all the unused toys in the house and present them to the children as if new.
What I've noticed is that the toys are cheaper than ever before. A few years ago a Baby Alive doll was $100. Now you can get one for about $20. Everything is so cheap. Cheaper than I've ever seen. Yes, made in China, and made of plastic. I don't wonder why people buy so much. Mostly it makes me wonder how the environmental cost could possibly be factored into the price. And what kind of conditions are the workers enduring?
Cheap for us, but at what expense?
Target has few children in their catalogue, so hard to judge. But Big W is more segregated than ever. Parts of the catalogue are labelled Girls Toy and Boys Toys, so not a lot of gender integration there. The most radical representation they include is a girl wearing a Skylanders T shirt. Boo!
I've been looking thorough them because it is Banjo's birthday this week, and I've organised nothing for her, except giving a large amount of money to the orthodontist. She's turning eight, and I'm glad she's still interested in baby dolls. I don't want her to grow up too quickly.
The amount of toys that have come through our house and out to the op shops just makes my head spin, so I need to be careful and cautious. I'm tempted to change the batteries of all the unused toys in the house and present them to the children as if new.
What I've noticed is that the toys are cheaper than ever before. A few years ago a Baby Alive doll was $100. Now you can get one for about $20. Everything is so cheap. Cheaper than I've ever seen. Yes, made in China, and made of plastic. I don't wonder why people buy so much. Mostly it makes me wonder how the environmental cost could possibly be factored into the price. And what kind of conditions are the workers enduring?
Cheap for us, but at what expense?
Saturday, July 07, 2012
Don't Change a Hair for Me: Wear a lap lap
Did you see the reaction, about a week ago, to this picture of Irish
writer Emer O'Toole, exposing her pit hair on a UK breakfast show?
http://www.dailylife.com.au/dl-beauty/hair-under-your-arms-20120627-21236.html
This is from her article in The Guardian, explaining herself, in question and answer form:
Small child: Why do you have hair under your arms?
Me: Because when girls and boys grow up into women and men they grow hair under their arms.
Small child: My mum doesn't have hair under her arms.
Me: She shaves it off.
Small child: She doesn't.
Me: She does. Ask her.
Small child: Mum, do you?
Mother of small child: Yes.
Small child: Why?
Exactly, small child. Exactly.
And this:
Hey, that's a party I'm already on my way to joining!
If she'd revealed her tattoos or facial piercings, no-one would turn a hair (if they had the hairs to turn). We don't say 'yuk'. We may not want tattoos and facial piercings for ourselves, but we accept them. I find it refreshing to see an image of a woman who has hairy pits. She looks like a lovely, clean, intelligent woman, showing us that you have a choice about these things. It has been a long time since there was public comment on Deb Conway showing her hairy pits.
Sometimes I tell people that one piece of advice I would give to young women is to never shave their bodies. People assume I'm encouraging waxing or lasering as means of hair removal. But no. I mean, just don't remove your body hair. Radical, I know. But I say it because I really wish I'd never started. I don't shave much. I shave my legs to the knee and have never gone higher. I've rarely been waxed. I shave my pits when I feel I need to - not for swimming but for the gym. Shaving the pits is becoming a bit tricky - when I'm in the shower and think to do it I really need to wear my glasses, which would steam up - so mostly I just don't bother. My mother never removed her body hair and her hair was soft and fine. The more you shave and wax the bigger the area that needs attention, and the coarser and darker the hair. This is a point my partner argues about, but I'm sticking to my truth here. The same may not apply to other women of different colouring, but for me, a fair woman with dark hair, I really need never to have started. Blonde women probably need never to start. I apply The Beauty Myth logic. Removing your body hair as an regular obligation is expensive and time consuming. Adding the Caitlin Moran argument: no man worth having has ever knocked back a shag with a women on the basis of her having body hair. I don't argue that you should keep it because it is natural. (Mould is natural.So are disasters.) I just believe it isn't worth doing, because once you start you set up the expectation that you will keep doing it, every week or so, for the rest of your life. And that's a long time, with a lot of other better things you could be doing.
My other reason is for diversity. We need to see many more different representations of women. I'm happy to be the women in the change room at the pool who has hair. If girl children don't see it on other people, how do they know not to be ashamed when their own body hair grows. They don't get to see body hair on women anywhere else. I understand there is a growing trend for adolescent girls to be waxed as soon as any hair grows. What kind of message is that? Girls growing up not knowing what their bodies are really like without the intervention of unnecessary grooming.
When I was younger I had a fascination for the Romany people. I read that when Romany women flashed their pit hair at a man it was considered to be erotic, because of the suggestion of hair elsewhere. We've lost that. We could bring it back.
About twenty years ago I bought a second hand swimsuit which was a blue, halterneck swimming dress. I loved it. My friend and I wrote a song. Here are the lyrics. Imagine it sung in the style of the Singing Nun. (And yes, I acknowledge the nod to Dorothy Parker.) (And, yes, she performed this in public!)
The Lap Lap Song
Lets all sing in praise of the humble lap lap
Don't change the shape of your sweet Tassie map map
Your body wants hair not those rashy bald gap gaps
Lets all go to the beach wearing Tarzan like flap flaps
A girl without hair, what a ute-load of clap trap
No prizes in guessing it started with a chap chap
He'd never felt electrolysis zap zap
It's time we all stopped this self-mutilating trap trap
Oh waxing stings
Shaving cuts
Tweezers hurt
Depilatory sucks
And what about those ads - they deserve a big slap slap
You have the choice - don't be a sap sap
You'll have more time - take a well-earned nap nap
Put your hands in the air, show your hair and all clap clap
Oh waxing stings
Shaving cuts
Tweezers hurt
Depilatory sucks
Lets all sing in praise of the humble lap lap
Don't change the shape of your sweet Tassie map map
Your body wants hair not those rashy bald gap gaps
Who cares if your hair's hanging down from your flap flaps
Abandon your care
Keep your hair
Wear a lap lap
http://www.dailylife.com.au/dl-beauty/hair-under-your-arms-20120627-21236.html
This is from her article in The Guardian, explaining herself, in question and answer form:
Don't small children run when they see you, fearing you will lure them to your gingerbread house?
A scene from my life:Small child: Why do you have hair under your arms?
Me: Because when girls and boys grow up into women and men they grow hair under their arms.
Small child: My mum doesn't have hair under her arms.
Me: She shaves it off.
Small child: She doesn't.
Me: She does. Ask her.
Small child: Mum, do you?
Mother of small child: Yes.
Small child: Why?
Exactly, small child. Exactly.
And this:
Intriguing. I am considering ditching my Gillette Multi-Blade Princess Goddess Sexy Miracle Razor. What do you say to me?
Remember that you are doing the necessary and important work of challenging stupid, arbitrary, gendered bullshit. And when you get to feminist heaven, Judith Butler and Simone de Beauvoir will be waiting with bubbly wine, a corn-fed organic roast chicken, Bikini Kill and the entire cast of Monty Python. Do you want to miss that party?Hey, that's a party I'm already on my way to joining!
If she'd revealed her tattoos or facial piercings, no-one would turn a hair (if they had the hairs to turn). We don't say 'yuk'. We may not want tattoos and facial piercings for ourselves, but we accept them. I find it refreshing to see an image of a woman who has hairy pits. She looks like a lovely, clean, intelligent woman, showing us that you have a choice about these things. It has been a long time since there was public comment on Deb Conway showing her hairy pits.
Sometimes I tell people that one piece of advice I would give to young women is to never shave their bodies. People assume I'm encouraging waxing or lasering as means of hair removal. But no. I mean, just don't remove your body hair. Radical, I know. But I say it because I really wish I'd never started. I don't shave much. I shave my legs to the knee and have never gone higher. I've rarely been waxed. I shave my pits when I feel I need to - not for swimming but for the gym. Shaving the pits is becoming a bit tricky - when I'm in the shower and think to do it I really need to wear my glasses, which would steam up - so mostly I just don't bother. My mother never removed her body hair and her hair was soft and fine. The more you shave and wax the bigger the area that needs attention, and the coarser and darker the hair. This is a point my partner argues about, but I'm sticking to my truth here. The same may not apply to other women of different colouring, but for me, a fair woman with dark hair, I really need never to have started. Blonde women probably need never to start. I apply The Beauty Myth logic. Removing your body hair as an regular obligation is expensive and time consuming. Adding the Caitlin Moran argument: no man worth having has ever knocked back a shag with a women on the basis of her having body hair. I don't argue that you should keep it because it is natural. (Mould is natural.So are disasters.) I just believe it isn't worth doing, because once you start you set up the expectation that you will keep doing it, every week or so, for the rest of your life. And that's a long time, with a lot of other better things you could be doing.
My other reason is for diversity. We need to see many more different representations of women. I'm happy to be the women in the change room at the pool who has hair. If girl children don't see it on other people, how do they know not to be ashamed when their own body hair grows. They don't get to see body hair on women anywhere else. I understand there is a growing trend for adolescent girls to be waxed as soon as any hair grows. What kind of message is that? Girls growing up not knowing what their bodies are really like without the intervention of unnecessary grooming.
When I was younger I had a fascination for the Romany people. I read that when Romany women flashed their pit hair at a man it was considered to be erotic, because of the suggestion of hair elsewhere. We've lost that. We could bring it back.
About twenty years ago I bought a second hand swimsuit which was a blue, halterneck swimming dress. I loved it. My friend and I wrote a song. Here are the lyrics. Imagine it sung in the style of the Singing Nun. (And yes, I acknowledge the nod to Dorothy Parker.) (And, yes, she performed this in public!)
The Lap Lap Song
Lets all sing in praise of the humble lap lap
Don't change the shape of your sweet Tassie map map
Your body wants hair not those rashy bald gap gaps
Lets all go to the beach wearing Tarzan like flap flaps
A girl without hair, what a ute-load of clap trap
No prizes in guessing it started with a chap chap
He'd never felt electrolysis zap zap
It's time we all stopped this self-mutilating trap trap
Oh waxing stings
Shaving cuts
Tweezers hurt
Depilatory sucks
And what about those ads - they deserve a big slap slap
You have the choice - don't be a sap sap
You'll have more time - take a well-earned nap nap
Put your hands in the air, show your hair and all clap clap
Oh waxing stings
Shaving cuts
Tweezers hurt
Depilatory sucks
Lets all sing in praise of the humble lap lap
Don't change the shape of your sweet Tassie map map
Your body wants hair not those rashy bald gap gaps
Who cares if your hair's hanging down from your flap flaps
Abandon your care
Keep your hair
Wear a lap lap
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